Governments should lower arts budgets to allocate more money to education. Do you agree with this view?
It is argued that governments should invest in the educational system more than the arts, and decrease the arts
budget
. I strongly agree with this
statement because education provides wealth and health for society
.
To begin
with, young generations of each country should have access to free education provided by their governments. For instance
, in some countries
many talented students are forced to leave their schools Add a comma
countries,
due to
the school tuition. Some poor families cannot afford the costs of stationaries and books, so they simply do not register their children to pursue their study
. It is evident thatFix the agreement mistake
studies
,
the children are future scientists and engineers, so it is essential to study without any financial concerns. As a matter of fact, Remove the comma
apply
government
could manage the nation’s Add an article
the government
budget
and allocate more money to state schools to prevent this
phenomenon. If the majority of children had a chance to study for free, they would become professionals in future and have revenue for their city.
Moreover
, I believe that the healthcare system of society
is more important than art. Spending money on medical universities, in order to educate more specialists and nurses, is more rational than allocating the budget
for artists. A well-being society
is a key to development, and a professional healthcare system will provide it. Also
, sophisticated doctors who have finished their future education in high-standard universities might be able to cure some untreatable diseases. Their action would raise the health rate in the nation and would have several positive impacts not only on the society
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
on the individuals.
In conclusion, governments must lessen the artistic budget
in order to spend more money on youngsters’ studies and healthcare. In my opinion, these expenditures will have an upside effect on the country.Submitted by Negar_seddigh on
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task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and provides a solid argument regarding the reallocation of government budgets from arts to education. However, there is room to include more specific examples and real-life instances that would strengthen your argument. Consider referring to specific government policies or studies that highlight the benefits of investing in education over the arts.
task achievement
Some of your ideas, while clear, could be further elaborated to provide a more in-depth analysis. For instance, you mention that educated individuals will earn money for their city, but it would be beneficial to explain how this economic advantage translates to societal benefits.
coherence cohesion
Generally, your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs and logical progression. To enhance cohesion, ensure that transitional phrases and connectors are used consistently throughout to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. This will make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective and well-defined. Maintain this clarity while also ensuring that your main points are explicitly summarized in the conclusion for maximum impact.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are well-organized, and the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
You have made strong points about the necessity of funding education to benefit society's overall wealth and health. These are compelling arguments that reinforce your stance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.