IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
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In the contemporary century, it seems that the large volume
human
Change preposition
of human
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 activities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 left no space for wild
animals
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 to live. Some people supporting privileged human rights contend that it is a waste of
resource
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resources
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 protecting wild
animals
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. I completely disagree either from
Correct article usage
a humanism
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humanism
Replace the word
humanist
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 or materialism point of view. From
Correct article usage
a materialism
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materialism
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materialistic
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 point of view, protecting wild
animals
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 will
also
Linking Words
 bring benefits to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 owing to the conservation of their living habitats.
For example
Linking Words
,
rainforest
Fix the agreement mistake
rainforests
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 and
ocean
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oceans
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 are two basic habitats for land and marine
animals
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. Protecting
rainforest
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rainforests
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 can lower the explosion of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 gas and decelerate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change. At the same time, protecting
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
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, the majority water resource on
earth
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 can
also
Linking Words
 limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-exploitation, rendering
to
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apply
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large pollution detrimental to human physical health. From
Correct article usage
a humanism
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humanism
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humanist
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 point of view,
human
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humans
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 should not be given the privileged right to be the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 living on the
earth
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, meaning that maintaining biological diversification is our responsibility.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we are responsible for the extension of the
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earth
Change noun form
earth's
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 civilization. By extending the generations of wild
animals
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, the history of
Use synonyms
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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 could be well preserved, a beneficial practice in turn will bring invaluable research
resource
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resources
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 for proceeding generations of
human
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humans
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.
Second,
Linking Words
propagating
Correct article usage
the protecting
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protecting
Replace the word
protection
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wild
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of wild
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 can spread
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
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value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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for
Change preposition
to
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 adolescents. By emphasizing the importance of respecting every life on
earth
Use synonyms
, they will raise awareness of showing respect not only to
animals
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 to anyone who does not have unearned privilege. In conclusion, protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 is not a waste of time or money.
Conversely
Linking Words
, it is a paramount initiative for protecting the environment, extending the civilization of
earth
Use synonyms
 and spreading the educational benefit to
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation.
Submitted by erminelyu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme which is elaborated upon with supporting details and examples. Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic and provided relevant arguments, you could enhance your essay by including a wider range of specific, concrete examples to support your points. This would strengthen your task achievement score.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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