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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The government pay tuition fees for university students. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#government #tuition #fees #university #students
The
students
 of
university
 pay tuition fees by the
government
.
This
 essay will explain the benefits and drawbacks of purchasing tuition fees for
students
 in the
university
. On one hand, The state needs a lot of funds that come from debt or increased taxes.
This
 is the impact of the increase in the state budget for
education
.
On the other hand
,
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 tuition by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has many benefits. Nowadays, many people in
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation have a more unique potential both of
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
 and talent. So, when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 support all of the cost
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 study, they can increase their potential academic in
university
 and develop their talents with maximal.
Moreover
, the
education
 system
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more inclusive.
For instance
, all of the
students
 despite their economic background can access
education
 without worrying about the cost they will spend to study at their
university
. In conclusion,
although
this
 policy
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages sides,
such
 as the
government
 needs a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 funds,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
also
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to more
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 impacts, including
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more inclusive and
students
 can increase well their potential.
Submitted by azizahqonitas on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a reasonable logical structure but could be improved by presenting ideas in a clearer and more organized manner, using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be better articulated to clearly present the essay's thesis and summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points with specific examples or evidence would strengthen the argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, developing a more complete response with further elaboration on each point would enhance the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Better development of ideas can be achieved with more detailed explanations and elaboration.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support each advantage and disadvantage to provide more depth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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