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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowdays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views.

#nowdays #experiments #medicines #test #safety #products #people #animals #favour #humanity
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People believe that animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 are bad and should be banned.
While
Linking Words
 others tend to believe the benefit that will lead to the importance of scientific discoveries.
Although
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 arguments will bring pros and cons in the following discussion. Regarding the benefits, animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 act as an important gate for scientific discoveries not only in cosmetics but
also
Linking Words
 in medicine which
both
Use synonyms
 play critical roles in human life.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon leads to the crucial process of health products safety,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the
research
Use synonyms
 of drugs can not be conducted without any clinical methods likely in vitro injection.
Afterthat
Correct your spelling
After that
, researchers have the burden of proofing whether the substances have clinical effects or not.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can apply it to living creatures.
However
Linking Words
, scientific practices still gain
both
Use synonyms
 pros and cons from society. By providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable methods and policies, it can prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wrong procedures of
research
Use synonyms
 towards living creatures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people argue
to ban
Change preposition
for banning
show examples
animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 because it is ethically wrong and leads to the suffering of animals. Using animals in
experiments
Use synonyms
 often causes suffering.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is way more different from humans which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 consent to how the the experiment will be conducted. Animals can not be given
such
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consent and somehow the scientist can not determine the pain level when the
research
Use synonyms
 occurs.
Finally
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,
both
Use synonyms
 sides of conducting animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 will always have their own arguments. People who agree usually desire to deliver the importance of scientific
research
Use synonyms
 for product safety way before it is used by humans.
While
Linking Words
 the opposite side usually cares for animal safety and tries to avoid the undesirable pain from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 living
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
.
Submitted by adibah.r on

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coherence cohesion
To improve upon your essay, consider focusing on the clarity of your main points by separating your arguments more distinctly. Each viewpoint could be discussed in a separate paragraph with clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Include a wider variety of linking phrases and discourse markers to guide the reader through your essay more smoothly. This will help in enhancing the overall logical flow of your thoughts.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. In an IELTS essay, detailed examples help strengthen your points and demonstrate a deeper level of engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
A more conclusive conclusion summarizing both sides of the argument and possibly stating your opinion or a potential resolution would benefit the essay. Although this isn't always mandatory depending on the question type, it usually helps to end your essay with a clear and perceptive conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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