IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Introduction
Between the end of high school and the start of university, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off became more and more popular.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate how
this
Linking Words
 break permit for
students
Use synonyms
 to fully commit to their hobbies , but will
also
Linking Words
 show that
students
Use synonyms
 will lose knowledge and their routine at school.
Body paragraph 1
A friend of mine gave us a great example of doing a hobby for a
year
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 friend is mixing music in his free
time
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, but he
also
Linking Words
 wants to take a
year
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 break, focusing on DJing. It is possible that
this
Linking Words
 experience will change his choice of university to
live from
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 his hobby. In general, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off can create new passion or empower others.
Body paragraph 2
For my brother,
this
Linking Words
 break between school and university is not always fun because he loses a lot of knowledge. He was studying physics , who ask for a lot of understanding. But during
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, my brother just lost a lot of what he
knows
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 about physics. It resulted in spending much of his
time
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, during the first undergraduate years, learning what he had learned one
year
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 ago.
This
Linking Words
 experience shows that, taking a
year
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 off ask fro a maturity in
students
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 to work
while
Linking Words
 enjoying life during the break.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 taking a pause requires a great responsibility from
students
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 to maintain their level, it allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them to commit themselves entirely to what they like or want to do in their free
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a wider view of each side. For example, a year off may help students get work skills, travel, save money, or learn what they want to study. It may also cost money, make it hard to return to study, or cause a loss of study habits.
task response
Explain more clearly why each example proves your point. In the DJ example, say how a full year of practice could help the student know if music is a real job choice. In the physics example, say why lost knowledge makes the first year at university harder.
task response
Your main idea in the first body part is not fully clear. “Create new passion or empower others” is too broad. Say exactly what students gain, such as more time to test a hobby or find a future job path.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more direct topic sentence at the start of each body part. For example: “One advantage is that students can spend more time on a skill or hobby.” Then give the example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. The first body part starts with hobbies, then moves to a change of university choice. Link these ideas more clearly: the hobby helps the student decide what to study or do for work.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence of the second body part simpler and clearer. State the main point first: students need to keep some study time during the break, so they do not forget key school work.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion gives both sides again, which is good. Make it stronger by saying that the result depends on how well the student plans the year off.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give one good side and one bad side of taking a year off.
task response
Your examples about DJing and physics are clear and related to your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “In general”, “But”, “This experience shows”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • work experience
  • internships
  • traveling
  • life experiences
  • personal development
  • independent
  • self-reliant
  • educational progress
  • graduation timeline
  • financial burden
  • academic momentum
  • structured academic environment
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