IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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In many
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
 teenagers have
small
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 free time and are
below
Change preposition
under
show examples
 enormous stress to study a lot
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in their lessons. One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of time among young
people
Use synonyms
 and
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 like
suicide
Use synonyms
 or illness of mental health.It is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
study
Correct pronoun usage
who study
show examples
 abundant
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 do not remark how he
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to be crazy
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become an essential part of our life.
However
Linking Words
,these days
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Kazakhstan
took
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 first place
in TOP
Correct your spelling
as the top
show examples
 country of
suicide
Use synonyms
amid
Change preposition
among
show examples
 students.Unfortunately,all of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems happen by reason of took enormous stress when they pass of exam or
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 shout
them
Change preposition
at them
show examples
. One of the main aspects of the problem is that illness of mental health among teenagers.
I
Add a verb
I am
I was
show examples
aware that studying is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 and really terrific habit,even though we have more important
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 that we need to appreciate and take care
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
In my opinion,it is our nervous system and body,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 anything can not change.One of the main reasons behind
that is
Linking Words
 high pressure because of study and criticism of others.
For instance
Linking Words
,students
tried
Add the particle
tried to
show examples
 be unique for eye teachers or parents,
after
Correct word choice
but after
show examples
month
Correct article usage
a month
show examples
 they felt high pressure and fatigue.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our problem is
suicide
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
below
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 a
tension
Replace the word
tense
show examples
 person does not want to live anymore,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
 to do
suicide
Use synonyms
. To stop
this
Linking Words
worthy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,we have to find
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 to help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
people
Use synonyms
 should take psychological
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 may be the easiest and so the best way to keep our brain from
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
terrible
Change preposition
of terrible
show examples
 actions. Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to find free time to relax and enjoy.

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structure
Your essay lacks clear structure. It is essential to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea and supporting sentences. Start with an introduction that briefly addresses the question, then create body paragraphs for each point, followed by a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
linking words
Use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure a smoother flow. Avoid repeating the same connectors and aim to demonstrate variety in language use.
introduction/conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and distinct from the body of the essay. Your conclusion should restate your main arguments without introducing new ideas.
supporting examples
Provide concrete examples and evidence when discussing causes and solutions to the problem. This strengthens your argument and displays a wider understanding of the topic.
task completion
Focus on fully answering all parts of the question. It seems that you have mentioned some causes and solutions, but these need to be developed more thoroughly and clearly linked to the question.
grammar and accuracy
Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This helps in delivering your message more effectively and achieving a higher band score on the grammatical range and accuracy criterion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
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