In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
In many
nations
teenagers have Add a comma
nations,
small
free time and are Correct word choice
little
below
enormous stress to study a lot Change preposition
under
of
in their lessons.
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is Change preposition
apply
lack
of time among young Correct article usage
the lack
people
and Use synonyms
consequence
like Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
suicide
or illness of mental health.It is undeniable that Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
study
abundant Correct pronoun usage
who study
that
do not remark how he Correct word choice
and
start
to be crazy Wrong verb form
started
has
become an essential part of our life.Correct subject-verb agreement
have
However
,these days Linking Words
our
Kazakhstan Correct pronoun usage
apply
took
first place Wrong verb form
takes
in TOP
country of Correct your spelling
as the top
suicide
Use synonyms
amid
students.Unfortunately,all of Change preposition
among
Linking Words
this
problems happen by reason of took enormous stress when they pass of exam or Correct determiner usage
these
parents
shout Correct pronoun usage
their parents
them
.
One of the main aspects of the problem is that illness of mental health among teenagers.Change preposition
at them
I
aware that studying is Add a verb
I am
I was
important
and really terrific habit,even though we have more important Add an article
an important
thing
that we need to appreciate and take careFix the agreement mistake
things
.
In my opinion,it is our nervous system and body,Change preposition
of.
which
anything can not change.One of the main reasons behind Correct word choice
that
that is
high pressure because of study and criticism of others.Linking Words
For instance
,students Linking Words
tried
be unique for eye teachers or parents,Add the particle
tried to
after
Correct word choice
but after
month
they felt high pressure and fatigue.Correct article usage
a month
Therefore
,Linking Words
third
reason Correct article usage
the third
of
our problem is Change preposition
for
suicide
Use synonyms
between
young Change preposition
among
people
.Use synonyms
Subsequently
,Linking Words
below
a Change preposition
apply
tension
person does not want to live anymore,Replace the word
tense
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
decided
to do Wrong verb form
decides
suicide
.
To stop Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
worthy
,we have to find Correct word choice
apply
solution
to help Add an article
a solution
the solution
for
humans.BecauseChange preposition
apply
,
to tackle Remove the comma
apply
this
problem Linking Words
people
should take psychological Use synonyms
trainings
.Change the wording
training
pieces of training
This
may be the easiest and so the best way to keep our brain from Linking Words
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
terrible
actions.
Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to Change preposition
of terrible
a
conclusion that everyone Correct article usage
the
have
to find free time to relax and enjoy.Change the verb form
has
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structure
Your essay lacks clear structure. It is essential to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea and supporting sentences. Start with an introduction that briefly addresses the question, then create body paragraphs for each point, followed by a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
linking words
Use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure a smoother flow. Avoid repeating the same connectors and aim to demonstrate variety in language use.
introduction/conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and distinct from the body of the essay. Your conclusion should restate your main arguments without introducing new ideas.
supporting examples
Provide concrete examples and evidence when discussing causes and solutions to the problem. This strengthens your argument and displays a wider understanding of the topic.
task completion
Focus on fully answering all parts of the question. It seems that you have mentioned some causes and solutions, but these need to be developed more thoroughly and clearly linked to the question.
grammar and accuracy
Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This helps in delivering your message more effectively and achieving a higher band score on the grammatical range and accuracy criterion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.