IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You travelled by a long distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. Write a letter to the bus company. In your letter •Inform the bus company of when and to where you travelled •Describe your suitcase and what happened to it •Explain why the company should pay for a new suitcase

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my disappointment with the
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 handling service of
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 bus company. I recently travelled for a long distance and later when I got my
bag
Use synonyms
 it was whole
damanged
Correct your spelling
damaged
. Let me explain
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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travelled from New Delhi to Ludhiana
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Bus number 765
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
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 Sunday, 28th
Janurary
Correct your spelling
January
 2024. My black Safari
bag
Use synonyms
 with
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
show examples
 zip lock and two pockets
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 was in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good condition during boarding but when I reached the destination my
bag
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 a big
dant
Correct your spelling
dent
 at the back and it could not be fixed. To recover my loss, I would like to get the
compensiation
Correct your spelling
compensation
 amount
that is
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 mentioned on your website. For my
safety
Add a comma
safety,
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 I took some
picture
Change the form of the verb
pictures
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 of my
bag
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the trip and
according to
Linking Words
 your
policy
Add a comma
policy,
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 I should
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 get 60% of the original price of the
bag
Use synonyms
. I hope you will address
this
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 concern as soon as possible and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not disappoint me anymore. Your's sincerely, Ravi

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter could be improved by clearly separating information into distinct paragraphs, with each focusing on a specific point: one for the introduction and details of the journey, one for the description of the suitcase and the damage, and one for the request for compensation. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Greeting and closing are well done, but they could be enhanced by addressing the recipient by their title (if known), such as Customer Service Manager, and signing off with a more formal closure if writing in a highly formal context.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to provide all necessary details such as the ticket number, exact date, and any additional evidence that would support your claim. Remember to be specific about what action you expect from the bus company, such as a direct request for a specific sum of money or a new suitcase.
task achievement
The writing tone is mostly suitable and formal. However, ensuring consistency in tone, using a consistently formal register, and avoiding informal phrases will create a more professional impression and make your request more persuasive.
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