IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You travelled by a long distance bus recently and your suitcase was damaged. Write a letter to the bus company. In your letter •Inform the bus company of when and to where you travelled •Describe your suitcase and what happened to it •Explain why the company should pay for a new suitcase

#distance #bus #suitcase #company #•inform #•describe #•explain
Dear Sir, I am writing
this
 letter to express my disappointment with the
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 handling service of
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 bus company. I recently travelled for a long distance and later when I got my
bag
 it was whole
damanged
Correct your spelling
damaged
. Let me explain
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travelled from New Delhi to Ludhiana
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Bus number 765
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 Sunday, 28th
Janurary
Correct your spelling
January
 2024. My black Safari
bag
 with
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
show examples
 zip lock and two pockets
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 was in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good condition during boarding but when I reached the destination my
bag
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a big
dant
Correct your spelling
dent
 at the back and it could not be fixed. To recover my loss, I would like to get the
compensiation
Correct your spelling
compensation
 amount
that is
 mentioned on your website. For my
safety
Add a comma
safety,
show examples
 I took some
picture
Change the form of the verb
pictures
show examples
 of my
bag
 at the beginning of the trip and
according to
 your
policy
Add a comma
policy,
show examples
 I should
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 get 60% of the original price of the
bag
. I hope you will address
this
 concern as soon as possible and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not disappoint me anymore. Your's sincerely, Ravi
Submitted by harneet2001kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter could be improved by clearly separating information into distinct paragraphs, with each focusing on a specific point: one for the introduction and details of the journey, one for the description of the suitcase and the damage, and one for the request for compensation. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Greeting and closing are well done, but they could be enhanced by addressing the recipient by their title (if known), such as Customer Service Manager, and signing off with a more formal closure if writing in a highly formal context.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to provide all necessary details such as the ticket number, exact date, and any additional evidence that would support your claim. Remember to be specific about what action you expect from the bus company, such as a direct request for a specific sum of money or a new suitcase.
task achievement
The writing tone is mostly suitable and formal. However, ensuring consistency in tone, using a consistently formal register, and avoiding informal phrases will create a more professional impression and make your request more persuasive.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: