In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

It is regularly argued that

nowaday

Correct your spelling

nowadays

show examples

Correct article usage

the

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average level of life expectancy is more than

Change preposition

in previous

show examples

years.

Thus

, some people guess that elderly citizens

give

Verb problem

have

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a large amount of issues in modern society.

Although

, at the same time some humans believe that it has more advantages than disadvantages.

This

essay will discuss both points of view.

Number

Change the article

A number

The number

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of scientists have shown that in recent years there have been significant changes in the age sector of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Referring to some potential negative outcomes of that tendency, some evidence indicates that many young specialists do not have opportunities to get a good job

due to

the fact that

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

generation takes all of the high-paying and respectable jobs. For a primary example, when I was extremely passionate about getting a job in

the a

Choose an article

the

show examples

giant hospital to work as an epidemiologist, but there was a big issue related to

this

position that was filled by a really old woman who was 74 years

Correct word choice

old.

show examples

Thus

nobody

deny

Change the verb form

denies

show examples

that it is exceedingly difficult to get rid of

this

entirely.

However

, some opponents who state that there are more benefits if society has more old humans may deem the previous viewpoint questionable. The first advantage is that the elderly generation has an excellent life and job experience, which they can bring and give to the new one. The second positive is that our grandparents keep and display the traditional culture of every nation. That helps to provide human values

such

as being thankful and taking care of children and old people.

Hence

, as a rule,

counties

Correct your spelling

countries

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with a

big

Correct word choice

large

show examples

population of elderly persons have a calm environment without

arguings

Replace the word

arguments

show examples

Nevertheless

, it is necessary to take into account all the details of each individual case. From my point of view, the latter opinion is definitely more persuasive, as it follows from my own experience, for I am a volunteer who works with all generations.

Submitted by balnur_amantay on Fri Feb 02 2024

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task response

Ensure that your essay maintains a clear position throughout the response. While you have provided a basic introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs should consistently support your stated viewpoint with clear and comprehensive ideas.

coherence and cohesion

It's important that your essay features a logical structure. While your essay has a recognizable structure, including paragraphs, work on making sure that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas and paragraphs.

task response

To enhance task achievement, your response should be expanded with more developed and specific examples. It is crucial to demonstrate your point using detailed illustrations directly linked to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Machines are replacing humans in the manual workforce. Do you think the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. Do advantage of this development outweigh this disadvantages ?

Last year you attended a presentation skill course at the Sydney College of Australia. Your new employer has asked you to provide copies of your reports and assignments as quickly as possible. Write to the director of the school and request these documents.