Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In every country, some
people
think that music
is a good way of bringing people
of different cultures and ages together. Music
plays a
important role in everyone’s life as it gives relaxation to our mind. I will agree with Change the article
an
this
statement and I will explain this
in the following paragraphs in detail.
Firstly
, music
widely
used to express our Add a missing verb
is widely
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
such
as love, sad
, anger Replace the word
sadness
and
etc. It helps us to feel relaxed from extra emotions and it brings us Correct word choice
apply
a
peace of mind. Correct article usage
apply
Music
are
played by different artists and it brings Change the verb form
is
people
from different parts of countries
together. For example
, Anirudh is a music
artists
who Change the noun form
artist
travelled
all around the world and Wrong verb form
travels
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
people
from different parts of countries
together to listen to the music
and feel it.
Secondly
, music
brings people
from every part of culture and ages
together. It makes Fix the agreement mistake
age
people
to be united. Different artists plays
different types of Change the verb form
play
music
to make society to
feel happy. According, to the Fix the infinitive
apply
people
choice they start to sing or play Change noun form
people's
the
Correct article usage
apply
music
. For example
, nowadays there are a lot
concert shows Add the preposition
lot of
are
launched by different Unnecessary verb
apply
artist
worldwide in different languages from various Fix the agreement mistake
artists
countries
. This
makes people
at
different Change preposition
of
age
and different Fix the agreement mistake
ages
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
to
meet together.
In conclusion, some believe that Fix the infinitive
apply
music
is a good way of bringing people
from different parts of countries
to enrich the people
. It makes people
to
feel relaxed, free from stress and so on. I agree with Change the verb form
apply
this
statement that music
have
brought Change the verb form
has
people
from all around the world.Submitted by insighttribez on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider organizing your essay with clear topic sentences that relate directly to the question. Follow these with supporting sentences that expand on the main point and provide evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion, work on making them stronger. Your introduction should more directly address the prompt, while your conclusion should summarize your main points convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Instead of vague references to concerts and artists, provide actual instances or anecdotes that illustrate how music brings cultures and ages together.
task achievement
Ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt completely. Discuss not only your agreement with the statement but also consider providing a balanced view or addressing potential counterarguments.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further by elaborating on how music accomplishes the unity you describe. Provide clear explanations for the mechanisms through which music influences emotions and cultural connections.
task achievement
When using examples to support your points, ensure they are relevant and specific, and explain clearly how they relate to the topic. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite