IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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In every country, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
music
Use synonyms
 is a good way of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 of different cultures and ages together.
Music
Use synonyms
 plays
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in everyone’s life as it gives relaxation to our mind. I will agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
widely
Add a missing verb
is widely
show examples
 used to express our
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as love,
sad
Replace the word
sadness
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, anger
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. It helps us to feel relaxed from extra emotions and it brings us
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace of mind.
Music
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 played by different artists and it brings
people
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 from different parts of
countries
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 together.
For example
Linking Words
, Anirudh is a
music
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artists
Change the noun form
artist
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 who
travelled
Wrong verb form
travels
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 all around the world and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
people
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 from different parts of
countries
Use synonyms
 together to listen to the
music
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 and feel it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
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 brings
people
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 from every part of culture and
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 together. It makes
people
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 to be united. Different artists
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 different types of
music
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 to make society
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
feel happy. According, to the
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 choice they start to sing or play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays there are a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 concert shows
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
launched by different
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 worldwide in different languages from various
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 and different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
meet together. In conclusion, some believe that
music
Use synonyms
 is a good way of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 from different parts of
countries
Use synonyms
 to enrich the
people
Use synonyms
. It makes
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel relaxed, free from stress and so on. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that
music
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 brought
people
Use synonyms
 from all around the world.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider organizing your essay with clear topic sentences that relate directly to the question. Follow these with supporting sentences that expand on the main point and provide evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion, work on making them stronger. Your introduction should more directly address the prompt, while your conclusion should summarize your main points convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Instead of vague references to concerts and artists, provide actual instances or anecdotes that illustrate how music brings cultures and ages together.
task achievement
Ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt completely. Discuss not only your agreement with the statement but also consider providing a balanced view or addressing potential counterarguments.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further by elaborating on how music accomplishes the unity you describe. Provide clear explanations for the mechanisms through which music influences emotions and cultural connections.
task achievement
When using examples to support your points, ensure they are relevant and specific, and explain clearly how they relate to the topic. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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