IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents believe that children should read strict educational books and not any other entertainment books as it is were of time. Do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays, some
parents
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 believe that
children
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 should read just educational materials and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not spend
time
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 on entertainment
books
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.
Overall
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, it is understandable why
parents
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 control
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information
Correct article usage
the information
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 flow that their child is consuming,
however
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, adults should give
children
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 the right to spend
time
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 as they want, like reading unuseful
books
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. In my opinion, even
books
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 that are not educationally meaningful have a positive effect on a child's development.
Overall
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,
parents
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 have a responsibility to give a proper education to their
children
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. For
children
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 it is easier to study new
information
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 at a young age,
therefore
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 it would be better to spend that ability on necessary materials.
For example
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, if an individual starts studying something at a young age, it would be easier for them to achieve higher results in the future compared with their peers.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 should have
time
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 for being irresponsible and spend
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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 activities which are not productive.
Therefore
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, they can read
books
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 which are only for entertainment and do not have any useful
information
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, strict restrictions may even lead to mental health problems.
For instance
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, a child may have anxiety or stress because their
parents
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overcontrol
Correct your spelling
over control
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 them, and that may negatively affect their adulthood life in the future. In conclusion, it is important to filter the
information
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 that
children
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 read, and
parents
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 should give them
books
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 that have a learning purpose.
However
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,
children
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also
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 should have
time
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 to read whatever they want. I personally disagree with the fact that
children
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 should read just educational
books
Use synonyms

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay, try incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your argument.
Task Response
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This could take the form of statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes that directly relate to the points you are making. Doing so will strengthen your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
Task Response
Be more explicit in responding to the prompt in your introduction and conclusion. Clearly stating your position at the beginning and reiterating it at the end will help strengthen your argument and ensure that you fully address the task.
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