IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, one of the most controversial issues today relates to achieving a
balance
 between
work
 and leisure. Some
people
 believe that their purpose is to achieve a
balance
 between
work
 and other parts of their
lives
, but rarely achieve it. In
this
 essay, I will explain the cause and suggest some solutions. The main reason for a failure of
balance
 between
work
 and other parts of their
lives
 is that they tend to think
work
 is the biggest part of their
lives
. Since they believe that career achievement is the main factor in the success of their
lives
, they concentrate too much on their
work
, even though it disrupts other parts of their
lives
. There are two effective solutions to
this
 problem. One way to tackle
this
 is to ensure that
people
 recognize that there are various values beyond
work
 from childhood, learning education which is the pointer of success can appear not only in careers but
also
 in diverse methods.
Thus
, the government should support aid to operate
such
 learning in schools. The government has a moral obligation to assist its citizens when there is an opportunity for them to live better. Another solution that can be suggested is for
people
 to make their hobbies. Their hobbies spread out the focus of
work
as well as
 help they can live healthier.
Additionally
, as they relieve stress,
people
work
 more productively and effectively.
Therefore
, companies should set up working time to ensure leisure time
due to
 an increase in profit. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the main cause is that
people
 do not have a
balance
 of
lives
 since
people
 tend to think
work
 is the most significant factor in their
lives
. To solve
this
 problem,
people
 should perceive the existence of a variety of valuable things except for labour.
Moreover
, it would be better if
people
 had to pursue their hobbies.
Submitted by kk884 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically ordered.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to help link your ideas. This includes referencing words, substitutions, conjunctions, and linking phrases.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Your essay will benefit from real-life examples or hypothetical situations that illustrate your points.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Both the causes of the problem and solutions are required, so make sure to explore them thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
You should have an introduction and a conclusion. In the introduction, clearly state your thesis or main argument. In the conclusion, summarize your main points without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: