IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#events #world #life #support
In today’s climate, by having wide access to
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
, being aware of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 so easy. It is a widely held view that the
events
 which are happening all around the universe are not related to us since they do not have
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our lives, a theory which I fully disapprove
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
 The main justification why not paying attention to
world
events
 is not fruitful is related to the butterfly effect. A theory which says that an event can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another one and
this
 chain can continue on an infinitive cycle.
In other words
, the phenomenon which
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other side of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 can have
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 or even significant influence on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. As an illustration, the impact of
Russie
Correct your spelling
Russia
show examples
 and
Ukraine
Change noun form
Ukraine's
show examples
 war on the price of oil can be mentioned. Another explanation is that as a human and
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
this
 big community, it is our responsibility to take
action
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emergency cases
such
 as
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
 which
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
unpredicted
Replace the word
unpredictable
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
. Not only can
this
 decrease the rate of damage, but
also
 it is a humanitarian
action
. There are a few reasons why paying attention to global
events
 is the right course of
action
. First and foremost, it can be considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general knowledge that can be used in any situations like party and work office. Nowadays, people are talking about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universal
events
such
 as political decisions or financial
break downs
Correct your spelling
breakdowns
show examples
 in the queue of
bakery
Add an article
the bakery
a bakery
show examples
.
Therefore
, it can help individuals to extend their circle of
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
 but not least, it is important to know
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 else’s experience
due to
 the fact that it can be implemented in our personal life. An important example is
Chernobyl
Correct article usage
the Chernobyl
show examples
 accident in Ukraine which
lead
Change the form of the verb
led
show examples
 to
increasing
Replace the word
an increase in
show examples
 the standard and immune level of nuclear power plants
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around the
world
 by authorities. What can be concluded from the above is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I find myself among the people who believe that having knowledge about current affairs in the
world
 is a necessary
action
.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more clearly focused on the essay topic and each presents a clear statement of your position on the issue.
supported main points
Develop your arguments further by expanding on your examples and explaining how they directly relate to your main points.
logical structure
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific idea or argument. Use a range of cohesive devices to improve the flow, but be cautious not to overuse them.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be clear and comprehensive when presenting your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea, and that your position is stated and developed throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
Give more specific and varied examples that clearly support your arguments. Use these examples to demonstrate a real-world application or consequence of the idea you are discussing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: