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Writing Samples
Band 6

Art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#art #class #school #students
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These days many high schools have an
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 as a mandatory subject. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because the
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 can improve
students
Use synonyms
’ imagination skills and
also
Linking Words
 it could be good for their mental well-being. First and foremost, when
students
Use synonyms
 attend an
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
, they can imagine lots of things,
such
Linking Words
 as the universe, the future or nature. It means that different part of the brain is stimulated and through
this
Linking Words
 situation pupil’s creativity and a thinking skill are improved by themselves.
For
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this
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 reason, it has positive effects on other subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math and science.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Korea, the primary school experimented. They compared
students
Use synonyms
’ marks for those who attended after-school
art
Use synonyms
 classes or not. The result was that people who did study in
art
Use synonyms
class
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 have a more higher scores than other
students
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 who attended in other subjects, not
art
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it could have positive effects on children’s mental health. Recently, many pupils have had a lot of stress in their studies.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, there are the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who seriously struggle with mental disease increasing. The one of problems is they cannot express their suffering to other people
such
Linking Words
 as parents or friends. Under
this
Linking Words
 circumstance, their mental disease gets worse and it leads to them getting severe depression.
However
Linking Words
, if they can notice their emotion through the
art
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class
Use synonyms
, it could help them to manage their mental illness.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Korea, high school
students
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 are pressured to study.
For
Linking Words
this
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 reason, they have a lot of stress in their mind
also
Linking Words
 they have a strict parent, so they cannot easily express their emotion to their parent. A Korean high school teacher who works as an
art
Use synonyms
 teacher is aware of their student’s situation, so the teacher notices to student’s parent. After that, the student gets better than before. In modern society, many people think that high schools should be open to
art
Use synonyms
 classes as a compulsory
class
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because when
students
Use synonyms
 attend
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
, they can upgrade their image skills,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
class
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 to manage their
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 well-being.
Submitted by jiyoonahn99 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices and transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Focus on fully addressing the task prompt. Ensure that the response provides a clear position throughout the response with a pertinent conclusion drawing from the points argued.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples and deepen the analysis of those examples. Avoid general statements and provide concrete evidence for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Check the coherence of your ideas, ensuring they are clearly presented and that the essay as a whole is easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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