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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days many people prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this trend?

#people #work #hours #time #home #trend
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Nowadays, many
people
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 prefer to
work
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 longer hours and spend less
time
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 at home. Some
people
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 believe that
such
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 management can get you to a higher position in your job easily.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that less
time
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 at home can affect their mental health and personal issues. In my opinion, despite each view having
their
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its
show examples
 own benefits and drawbacks, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. First of all, the main disadvantage of spending long
work
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 hours is it can lead to frustration which might impact one's performance at
work
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. A recent study from Harvard Scholars discovered that spending
time
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 for ourselves is an important aspect of life. One of the main reasons is it balances the stress level in a human’s brain.
In addition
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, a
work
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 environment can be so stressful that if it is not balanced with your break, it might turn into frustration. Second of all, spending less
time
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 at home might lead to missing important family events,
such
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 as kids' or spouses' birthdays or anniversaries.
This
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 situation can result in frequent family arguments.
According to
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 the National Mental Health Institution, it is observed that
people
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 who tend to skip family events tend to have a higher divorce rate compared to those who do not, with a significant gap of 15%. In conclusion,
although
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 there are several benefits of longer
work
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 hours
such
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 as faster promotion at
work
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, I think that there are more drawbacks than benefits.
Hence
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, working should be balanced with our own personal life for it not to be stressful and have a bad effect on our brain’s health.
Submitted by helma.devina on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will create more cohesion within the essay.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding the introduction with a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to elaborate on the main points with more detailed examples and explanations to fully support the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion is present and does summarize the essay well, but try to reemphasize your position more strongly, reinforcing the main points from the body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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