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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian Countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian Countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #summarise #features #comparisions
This
 graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 information about the percentage of the population residing in cities between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1970 to 2020, alongside continuous projections in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, we can see that each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 shows consistent growth over the following years. Especially, Malaysia and Indonesia
that is
 displaying an upward trend every 10 years.
On the other hand
,
Phillipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
 and Thailand
also
expresses
Change the verb form
express
show examples
 an increasing growth, but not so significant.
To begin
 with, Malaysia
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 the
year
 with 30%,
then
 gradually increased
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 numbers before peaking at the prediction
year
 of 2040.
Indonesia
Change noun form
Indonesia's
show examples
 numbers
also
 had growth every decade notably in the
year
 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
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 it increased by approximately 15%.
In addition
,
Correct article usage
the Phillipines
show examples
Phillipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 their
year
 at just around 30%, before experiencing fluctuations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1990 and 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it reduced and gained numbers of different amounts.
Furthermore
, Thailand
also
 had different adjustments,
this
 country
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 the
year
 at slightly under 20% before having minor gains in 4 decades until the
year
 2020.
To sum up
, these two countries end their prediction
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 50% and 45% respectively.
Submitted by aizawatakeru2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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