IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian Countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian Countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #summarise #features #comparisions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 information about the percentage of the population residing in cities between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970 to 2020, alongside continuous projections in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 shows consistent growth over the following years. Especially, Malaysia and Indonesia
that is
Linking Words
 displaying an upward trend every 10 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Phillipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
 and Thailand
also
Linking Words
expresses
Change the verb form
express
show examples
 an increasing growth, but not so significant.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Malaysia
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 with 30%,
then
Linking Words
 gradually increased
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 numbers before peaking at the prediction
year
Use synonyms
 of 2040.
Indonesia
Change noun form
Indonesia's
show examples
 numbers
also
Linking Words
 had growth every decade notably in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it increased by approximately 15%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Phillipines
show examples
Phillipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 their
year
Use synonyms
 at just around 30%, before experiencing fluctuations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1990 and 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it reduced and gained numbers of different amounts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Thailand
also
Linking Words
 had different adjustments,
this
Linking Words
 country
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 at slightly under 20% before having minor gains in 4 decades until the
year
Use synonyms
 2020.
To sum up
Linking Words
, these two countries end their prediction
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 50% and 45% respectively.
Submitted by aizawatakeru2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: