IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days many people prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this trend?

#people #work #hours #time #home #trend
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Carrier
Fix the agreement mistake
Carriers
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 play an essential role in our lives. Nowadays, A host of folk prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 longer hours and spend less
time
Use synonyms
 at home.
Although
Linking Words
 we have several cons
about
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
, Some pros can not be
over looked
Correct your spelling
overlooked
show examples
. On the one hand, Some
people
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especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 youngsters prefer to spend less
time
Use synonyms
 at home and
work
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 longer hours
due to
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 the fact that, young
people
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 have a lot of
resion
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for spend
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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time
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
working
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work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, they can earn
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of money.
Therefore
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, they can fulfil their needs.
Also
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, if their family have financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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, they can solve them and youngsters can buy
have ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
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 they want.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If you
work
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extremley
Correct your spelling
extremely
 hard, you will
familiar
Add a missing verb
be familiar
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and
Change preposition
with and
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communicat
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with
numrous
Correct your spelling
numerous
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 and bosses.
Consequently
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, some famous companies probably hire you because you try so hard and have
a
Remove the article
apply
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enough
experinces
Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
.
On the other hand
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,
It is clear that
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 if you
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not some
time
Use synonyms
 to rest, you will take many illnesses
such
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 as
deppresions
Correct your spelling
depression
depressions
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 when you have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 bonds with your family after
during
Change preposition
apply
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a
dayes
Correct your spelling
day
 you carry out
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
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 your mood or
feel
Replace the word
feelings
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.
In addition
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, In my opinion, all
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 should go to travel and relax for that it is very
significant
Correct word choice
important
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 sometimes you go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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somewhere new.
Thus
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, If you
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not a host of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to
relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
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,
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 and
resting
Wrong verb form
rest
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 your
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
. In conclusion, In the modern epoach, some of the folk rather spend a
many
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
at
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work
Use synonyms
 than at home as you know we have some benefits.
However
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, As a
person
Add a comma
person,
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 If you
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough
time
Use synonyms
 to free your mind, you will
be demolished
Wrong verb form
demolish
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 yourself
due to
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 the fact that we are not
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
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. So, all of the
people
Use synonyms
 have to have free
time
Use synonyms
 to conduct
have ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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Introduction
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that relate directly back to the thesis statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and add fluency to your writing.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarises the main points discussed and reflects back on the thesis without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with relevant, specific examples or evidence that support the arguments being made.
Lexical Resource & Grammar
Avoid repetition and aim for a variety of sentence structures for a higher score in lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy.
Grammar
Proofread to correct spelling and grammar mistakes such as 'deppresions' which should be written as 'depressions' and 'a lot of resion' which should be 'a lot of reasons'.
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