In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In recent decades,
the
Correct article usage
apply
urbanization
rates among
the world Change preposition
around
has
been increasing. I believe Change the verb form
have
this
is a negative development because of some reasons. First,
this
situation is
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
prove
that the government does not Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
paying
attention to the rural areas' development. Change the verb form
pay
Second,
the increasing numbers of cities'
population leads to many problems Change noun form
cities
such
as traffic congestion and destructed public facilities.
On the one hand, the big gap between urban and rural area's
facilities is the main reason Fix the agreement mistake
areas'
of
Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
the countryside's
countryside's
Change noun form
countryside
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
movement
to the cities. Living in Replace the word
moving
the
place with Correct article usage
a
a
hard access to crucial things Remove the article
apply
such
as hospital
, Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
job
, and transportation would be hard to imagine. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
For example
, the survey from New
York Times explains that the top reason Correct article usage
the New
of
Change preposition
for
urbanization
is to attain a better life. Therefore
, the councils are responsible to
maintaining rural area's access.
On top of that, their movement to Change preposition
for
the
new places Correct article usage
apply
are
not resolving their problems. In Change the verb form
is
a big cities
with intense competition, Correct the article-noun agreement
big cities
a big city
another problems
arose. Replace the adjective
another problem
other problems
For instance
, based on the
Jakarta's (the capital city of Indonesia) Correct article usage
apply
assesment
, traffic congestion Correct your spelling
assessment
had
become a problem after Wrong verb form
has
the
Correct article usage
apply
urbanization
has been
initiated. Some public facilities Wrong verb form
was
such
as public transportation also
start to run out of capabilities to carry out many people. These explain why urbanization
is not always a good solution.
In conclusion, urbanization
's disadvantages are outweigh
the advantages. Change the verb form
outweigh
Therefore
, it is such
a negative solution. Instead
, the nation could construct the countryside to become an easy place to life
. That way, Replace the word
live
urbanization
would not be needed and the rural's citizen
can Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
life
peacefully there.Replace the word
live
Submitted by farrandyerza on
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Introduction
Be sure to have a clear introduction that outlines your main arguments. The introduction here is brief and could be expanded to better introduce the essay topic and your viewpoint.
Logical Structure
Make sure your essay has a clear organizational structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clarify their main idea.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with specific examples or data when possible. While you did provide some examples, such as the survey from the New York Times and the Jakarta assessment, try to include more details and reference sources to strengthen your arguments.
Complete Response
Ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument. In this essay, you mainly focus on why urbanization is negative and could balance the discussion by addressing potential positive aspects, even if you ultimately disagree with them.
Coherence
To improve coherence, use a variety of cohesive devices and make sure they are used appropriately to help the reader follow your line of reasoning.
Conclusion
Ensure that you restate your main points and clearly state your overall viewpoint in the conclusion. While you have a conclusion, it could be more detailed and summarize your key arguments more effectively.