IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.
#visitors #four #museums
The line graph provides information about the
number
 of
visitors
 who visit international
museums
 from 1980 to 2015.
Overall
, it can be seen that the
number
 of
Louvre
visitors
 slightly grew between 1980 and 2015.
while
 there was a significant increase in the
number
 of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vatican
Museums
 for the same period.
Moreover
, the
number
 of
visitors
 who visit
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
Science
Museum
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 decreased over
35-years
Correct your spelling
35 years
whereas
 there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little change in the
number
 of
Shenzhen
Museum
visitors
 over 35 period
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. Looking at the
visitors
 of
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 in more detail, it can be seen that it was about
7millions
Correct your spelling
7 million
 in 1980 compared to around
5millions
Correct your spelling
5 million
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vatican
Museums
 of
visitors
, approximately
4.1millions
Correct your spelling
4.1 million
 of
London
Science
Museum
visitors
 and roughly
2.9millions
Correct your spelling
2.9 million
 of
Shenzhen
Museum
visitors
. The second worth pointing out is that the
number
 of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Shenzhen
Museum
 gradually fell until 2000, reaching
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
nearly
2.5millions
Correct your spelling
2.5 million
.
In contrast
, the figure for
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vatican
Museums
 changed
while
 the
number
 of
Vatican
Museums
visitors
 showed a jump from about
5millions
Correct your spelling
5 million
 to around
7.9millions
Correct your spelling
7.9 million
.
Moreover
, there was a sharp drop in
Add an article
the figure
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
Science
Museum
. Turning to
result
Correct article usage
the result
show examples
, it can be seen that the
number
 of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 was higher than others in 2015 at about
9millions
Correct your spelling
9 million
, which was the highest point in
this
 graph.
To sum up
, the
number
 of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 was higher than others from the beginning to the end.
while
 the figure of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Shenzhen
Museum
 was lower than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three international
museums
 at the beginning,
however
, the
number
 of
London
Science
Museum
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 was smaller than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three international
museums
 as
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 by.
Submitted by kk884 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, museums, louvre, vatican, london, science, museum, shenzhen, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 10 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: