IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people intract with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negetive development?

#people #intract #technology #relationships #become #negetive #development
In recent times, the method
which
Change preposition
by which
show examples
 many people
intract
Correct your spelling
interact
 with each other has changed because of technology.
This
 has affected the relationships that people make, which is a negative development in my opinion. In
this
 essay, I will answer both questions with examples. First and foremost, technology has been having a major affection on individuals making relationships in many ways. One of them is that they tend to be friends with someone who is famous
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media.
This
 means that the more well-known you are, the more
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 you can have.
As a result
, many try to reach that level, in order to gain mates. Another striking one is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 caused them to pay less attention to personality
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 choosing
Correct article usage
a partener
show examples
partener
Correct your spelling
partner
partners
.
This
 is because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic gadgets
such
 as mobile phones, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been advertising
this
 through social media apps like Instagram.
As a result
, other options
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been replaced
instead
 of one's personality.
For instance
, 85 per cent of humans living in Iran said that money is more important than other things. Looking at the second question, The
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 illustrate that the
drawbaks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
drawback
 of
this
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighed
show examples
 the positive points. They say that most relations fail after a
while
.
This
 is because of the factors which are set by it for choosing friends.
For example
, in many countries, statistics show that the number of
failiours
Correct your spelling
failures
 has increased dramatically since
then
. In conclusion, it has
cuased
Correct your spelling
caused
 humans to make friends with different factors
such
 as money and fame, and the disadvantages are more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the advantages. In my view, the government should take action
for tackling
Change preposition
to tackle
show examples
this
 issue.
Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity when constructing sentences and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction and provide a summary in the conclusion to reinforce the main points discussed.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task directly and provide a balanced argument, discussing both negative and positive aspects if the question prompts for it.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully and provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and to refine your expression.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: