As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think it's advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The field of medical science is ever evolving with advanced technology and new treatment plans which in return,
increasing
the longevity and average Wrong verb form
increase
life
span of human beings. I believe the drawbacks over shadow
the benefits of Correct your spelling
overshadow
this
notion. My viewpoints will be discussed in the following paragraphs with suitable examples.
To begin
with, the fundamental issue of extended
Add an article
the extended
life
cycle is that elderly
need more assistance in their daily routine. On Correct article usage
the elderly
the
top of that, they would require intensive medical care putting strain on the hospital bed availablity Correct article usage
apply
as well as
more doctors and nurses are required for the treatment. Having said that, longer
Correct article usage
a longer
life
cycle also
contributes to overpopulation across the globe. Additionally
, Increasing
number of younger generations are unable to care for their aged relations Correct article usage
an Increasing
therefore
have Correct word choice
and therefore
seeked
old age and nursing Correct your spelling
sought
home's
assistance to look after them. Fix the agreement mistake
homes'
For example
, a
recent statistics from Correct article usage
apply
Add an article
the ministry
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
social
and Capitalize word
Social
family development
Correct your spelling
Family Development
has
been Correct subject-verb agreement
have
as
alarming rate of new Correct your spelling
an
admission
for those home's caring for the elders. Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
And most
of the facilities are already functioning at their full capacity, Correct word choice
Most
thus
, boosting the waiting list for newcomers.
In contrast
, passing
of Correct article usage
the passing
loved
one is a heartbreaking experience, and the grief often comes with overwhelming Correct article usage
a loved
of
emotions. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, modern day
technology and medicine Add a hyphen
modern-day
helps
to surge Correct subject-verb agreement
help
th
Correct your spelling
the
life
expectancy of individuals by early detection of any disease and providing appropriate treatment plans. Having said that, pioneers from different profession
who are still in the workforce can Fix the agreement mistake
professions
also
bestow their knowledge and experience to the newly joined. For instance
, a news article from channel
New Asia shared Capitalize word
Channel
on
a doctor who turned 100 years old and still serving in the cardiothoracic surgery department has been sharing his years Change preposition
that
on
experience with the new undergraduates.
In conclusion, I affirm that the disadvantage of the growing medical industry exceeds the advantage. As mentioned in the above paragraphs Change preposition
of
although
there are several benefits from the advancement but
the silver generation will definitely hinder the medical system in the foreseeable future.Remove the conjunction
apply
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Content
Provide a more balanced view on both advantages and disadvantages to fully address the essay question.
Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion contain a clear thesis statement and a summary of main points.
Coherence
Work on connecting paragraphs and sentences more seamlessly for better logical flow.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas together more effectively within and between paragraphs.
Examples
Support main points with more detailed and pertinent examples to strengthen arguments.