As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Don you think it's disadvantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The field of medical science is ever evolving with advanced technology and new treatment plans which in return, increase the longevity and average
life
span of human beings. I believe the drawbacks overshadow the benefits of this
notion. My viewpoints will be discussed in the following paragraphs with suitable examples.
To begin
with, the fundamental issue of the extended life
cycle is that the elderly need more assistance in their daily routine. On top of that, they would require intensive medical care putting strain on the hospital bed availablity as well as
more doctors and nurses are required for the treatment. Having said that, a longer life
cycle also
contributes to overpopulation across the globe. Additionally
, an Increasing
number of younger generations are unable to care for their aged relations and Fix capitalization
increasing
therefore
have sought old age and nursing homes' assistance to look after them. For example
, recent statistics from Ministry
of Social and Family Development have been an alarming rate of new admissions for those Correct article usage
the Ministry
home's
caring for the elders. Most of the facilities are already functioning at their full capacity, Correct your spelling
homes
thus
, boosting the waiting list for newcomers.
In contrast
, the passing of a loved one is a heartbreaking experience, and the grief often comes with overwhelming emotions. Therefore
, modern-day technology and medicine help to surge the life
expectancy of individuals by early detection of any disease and providing appropriate treatment plans. Having said that, pioneers from different professions who are still in the workforce can also
bestow their knowledge and experience to the newly joined. For instance
, a news article from Channel New Asia shared that a doctor who turned 100 years old and still serving in the cardiothoracic surgery department has been sharing his years of experience with the new undergraduates.
In conclusion, I affirm that the disadvantage of the growing medical industry exceeds the advantage. As mentioned in the above paragraphs although
there are several benefits from the advancement the silver generation will definitely hinder the medical system in the foreseeable future.Submitted by Nivashini_16 on
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Task Achievement
As to task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt with a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages. It is commendable that you provided a clear opinion, which is a necessary component of a complete response. To improve, elaborate more on specific examples that clearly support your arguments for both sides.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay's logical structure is also fairly well developed, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure each paragraph progresses logically from the one before it. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and set out your main points. To improve your score on introduction and conclusion, make sure they echo each other more directly, rephrasing the thesis and main points in the conclusion for more impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported your main points to a good extent. To improve further, integrate more detailed and vivid examples into your body paragraphs. Going beyond general statements to provide concrete instances or data will add depth to your argument.