As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Don you think it's disadvantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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The field of medical science is ever evolving with advanced technology and new treatment plans which in return, increase the longevity and average

life

Use synonyms

span of human beings. I believe the drawbacks overshadow the benefits of

this

Linking Words

notion. My viewpoints will be discussed in the following paragraphs with suitable examples.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the fundamental issue of the extended

life

Use synonyms

cycle is that the elderly need more assistance in their daily routine. On top of that, they would require intensive medical care putting strain on the hospital bed availablity

as well as

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more doctors and nurses are required for the treatment. Having said that, a longer

life

Use synonyms

cycle

also

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contributes to overpopulation across the globe.

Additionally

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, an

Increasing

Fix capitalization

increasing

show examples

number of younger generations are unable to care for their aged relations and

therefore

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have sought old age and nursing homes' assistance to look after them.

For example

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, recent statistics from

Ministry

Correct article usage

the Ministry

show examples

of Social and Family Development have been an alarming rate of new admissions for those

home's

Correct your spelling

homes

show examples

caring for the elders. Most of the facilities are already functioning at their full capacity,

thus

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, boosting the waiting list for newcomers.

In contrast

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, the passing of a loved one is a heartbreaking experience, and the grief often comes with overwhelming emotions.

Therefore

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, modern-day technology and medicine help to surge the

life

Use synonyms

expectancy of individuals by early detection of any disease and providing appropriate treatment plans. Having said that, pioneers from different professions who are still in the workforce can

also

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bestow their knowledge and experience to the newly joined.

For instance

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, a news article from Channel New Asia shared that a doctor who turned 100 years old and still serving in the cardiothoracic surgery department has been sharing his years of experience with the new undergraduates. In conclusion, I affirm that the disadvantage of the growing medical industry exceeds the advantage. As mentioned in the above paragraphs

although

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there are several benefits from the advancement the silver generation will definitely hinder the medical system in the foreseeable future.

Nivashini_16Sat Feb 03 2024

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Task Achievement

As to task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt with a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages. It is commendable that you provided a clear opinion, which is a necessary component of a complete response. To improve, elaborate more on specific examples that clearly support your arguments for both sides.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay's logical structure is also fairly well developed, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure each paragraph progresses logically from the one before it. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and set out your main points. To improve your score on introduction and conclusion, make sure they echo each other more directly, rephrasing the thesis and main points in the conclusion for more impact.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have supported your main points to a good extent. To improve further, integrate more detailed and vivid examples into your body paragraphs. Going beyond general statements to provide concrete instances or data will add depth to your argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

335 words

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As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Don you think it's disadvantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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You bought a music concert ticket. However, you are unable to go. So you want to offer the ticket to your friend. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: •say about the concert : •say why you are unable to go •inform how your friend can receive the ticket

The amount of sport, shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sport events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?