IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is not appropriate to have pet dog in built up inner city. Do you agree or disagree?

#pet #dog #city
Dog
Fix the agreement mistake
Dogs
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a companion for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 for many centuries.
Although
 some
people
 argue that in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 a
dog
 should not
be existed
Change to the active voice
exist
have existed
show examples
, I strongly believe that a person still can be allowed to have a
dog
 pet even in a crowded
city
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two main reasons.
Firstly
, a
dog
 has a good intuition to protect whatever its master
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 trained to them.
Dog
 is one among a few famous pets that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a high
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 skill which allow them to have a sense of
protecting
Replace the word
protection
show examples
. In many cases,
people
 teach their
dog
 to be a guardian of their house to make it
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
For instance
,
people
 in the US usually
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 a
dog
 house
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their backyard to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
place to stay at the same time a place for them to guard the house.
Therefore
, a
dog
that is
 trained will be very
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
useful to guard whatever it needs to be protected.
Secondly
, some
medication
Fix the agreement mistake
medications
show examples
 using a
dog
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a part of the therapy process. A
pshychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 problem
such
 as
emotional
Correct article usage
an emotional
show examples
 disorder
demand
Change the verb form
demands
show examples
 a therapy process. By managing a
dog
 when walking together along the
side-road
Correct your spelling
side road
show examples
,
people
 will have a challenge to control by understanding its behaviour.
This
 challenge has become one of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
methodology
Fix the agreement mistake
methodologies
show examples
 for
people
 to overcome
such
 mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In Singapore, a man helps
people
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 with a
dog
 for therapy, in order to overcome their emotional
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. So, it has been proven that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
 play a good part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human medication. In conclusion,
while
 we
undoubtly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 face some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with the existence of a
dog
 in a big
city
, it is imperative that we should allow a trained
dog
 to still exist.
This
 will help
people
 to guard their own
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
as well as
 provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medication for those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 an emotional control illness. Ideally,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should cooperate by making a policy to protect the existence of a pet
dog
 in a
city
.
Submitted by aday.mailing on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion which is good. However, to improve your Task Achievement, you need to fully explore and develop all parts of the prompt. Ensure that you provide a balanced perspective if required and deal with all parts of the task prompt in detail, elaborating on how and why you hold your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing. Sequencing expressions (firstly, secondly, finally) were used, but varied linking phrases can enhance the logical flow. Moreover, ensure your paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences, supporting sentences, and concluding sentences to make your argument more cohesive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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