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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Universities should enrol equal numbers of male and female students in all subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

#universities #enrol #numbers #students #subjects
The
gender
 inequality is a
big
Correct your spelling
bit
show examples
 of an issue nowadays at the
universities
. People claim that
universities
 should be pressured to equally split the
avilable
Correct your spelling
available
 vacant applications among females and males in all majors. It is my contention that
although
gender
 discrimination is a real thing that can be come
acrossed
Correct your spelling
across
 in certain circumstances,
universities
 must select their candidates
according to
 their IQ, logic and previous grades to make
judgement
Correct article usage
the judgement
show examples
 process as transparent as possible. First and foremost, presently, a majority of international
universities
 have now established a quantitative evaluation model in order to
chose
Change the verb
choose
show examples
 the right people. Undoubtedly,
such
 types of tools cannot be manipulated with
gender
 intervention to satisfy the international agenda by validating more males or females.
Furthermore
, at
universities
Add a comma
universities,
show examples
 majors like civil engineering and mechanical engineering are more prevalent
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 among males,
while
 human resources or teachers are predominantly occupied by females. I believe
attempt
Correct article usage
an attempt
show examples
 has been made to equalize the number of male and female students is futile and cannot generate positive results in the long run.
Moreover
,
instead
 of trying to
balancing
Change the verb
balance
show examples
 numbers, we should concentrate our resources on how to
making
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
this
 subject selection process at
universities
 more reliable and pragmatic for the potential candidates. Not only
this
 is unfair to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worthy individuals but
also
 it can yield outcomes that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 detrimental to the societies.
For example
, external interference in the application selection process could lead to the certification of unqualified engineers and teachers. These professionals are entrusted with a sacred duty to serve their communities, and their inadequacy could undermine the well-being of future generations. In conclusion, despite the fact that diversification is considered ideal across all university
diciplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
,
gender
 significantly influences occupational choices
due to
 inherent biological differences.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt consistently throughout the essay. Your position should be clear throughout your response, with a more explicitly outlined argument in support of your opinion.
task response
Try to include more specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. These can help illustrate your points more clearly and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas and paragraphs more clearly using a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall structure of your essay by ensuring that each main body paragraph focusses on one central idea and is expanded upon with sufficient detail.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • stereotypes
  • workforce
  • discrimination
  • gender biases
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • humanities
  • underrepresentation
  • meritocracy
  • quotas
  • academic standards
  • qualifications
  • personal interest
  • enforced gender parity
  • dropout rates
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