IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the country side What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve the situation ?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #country #side #situation
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The notion suggests that there are a few youngsters that leave the
village
Use synonyms
 in order to live in a more modern city
while
Linking Words
 the elderly stay in that area.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by
this
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 phenomenon is that there is nobody that deals with necessities that need huge physical effort in the area and the
village
Use synonyms
 will stay out of date. The most viable solutions are help from the government to build modern facilities and job opportunities for the new generations and provide high-quality education so the children in rural areas will stay for good and care for their hometown. The foremost problem caused by young
people
Use synonyms
 leaving is the lack of high energy level
people
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 to run things around and there is no advancement happening in that area. If the business in the
village
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 runs dry, it is dangerous for the leftover
people
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 for their needs will not be taken care of
whereas
Linking Words
 nobody can fix public buildings or run yearly events.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the old
people
Use synonyms
 who do not use advanced technology, will not be updated on current events.
For instance
Linking Words
, they will not know about better candidates for the presidential election
due to
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 the fact that they cannot access information on the internet as there is no younger generation that can help them. Possible solutions to these problems would be for the authorities to build up-to-date public amenities and job vacations for the youngsters to apply for and give good education for the children. If the
village
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 has facilities that they can find in the town, there is no need for the young
people
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 to go and find them someplace else.
In addition
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, satisfactory schooling will make the new generation come up with ideas to upgrade their hometown and
therefore
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 stay to make it better.
For example
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, a group of kids in Indonesia is getting great teaching in their old-fashioned school by a high-quality teacher and they stay to solve problems in their
village
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mumtazsyifa18 on

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structure
Ensure logical sequencing of paragraphs and ideas with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to enhance readability.
coherence
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect sentences and paragraphs, while making sure they are used accurately.
support
Develop each main point with sufficient detail and try incorporating more specific evidence or examples that directly support the arguments made.
introduction/conclusion
Keep the introduction and conclusion clear and succinct, making sure they introduce the topic effectively and summarize the main points without repeating details from the body.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response provides a balanced approach to the problems and solutions without going off-topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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