Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult to live such as Sahara desert or Antarctica. Do advantages outweight the disadvantage of live there .
The table shows the total number of
visitors
to Ashdown Museum
before and after refurbishment
during the year. The pie charts illustrate the results of surveys of visitor satisfaction with titles such
as “Very satisfied, Satisfied, Dissatisfied, Very Dissatisfied and No response” in percentage.
Overall
, total
Correct article usage
the total
numbers
of Fix the agreement mistake
number
visitors
increased after upgrades had been done to the Museum
. There were only 74,000 visitors
before refurbishment
as compared to 92,000 visitors
after refurbishment
. With more detailed data, it is clear that
more people chose very satisfied with the museum
after refurbishment
in the survey and the numbers increased to 35% from 15%. Furthermore
, the percentage of visitors
being satisfied with upgrades to the museum
rose to 40% as compared to 30% before the renovation. There was a huge reduction of
dissatisfied Change preposition
in
visitors
from 40% before refurbishment
to only 15% after. Adding on to that, the percentage of very dissatisfied visitors
decreased from 10% to 5% after refurbishment
. However
, visitors
who did not respond to the survey remained 5
%.
To summarise, more people are satisfied with the new Change preposition
at 5
museum
and there is a downtrend in those dissatisfied. This
might be because of the better features in the new and upgraded Ashdown Museum
.Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on
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introduction
Make sure to include a clear introduction that sets the context for the data you will discuss in the body of your essay. An introductory sentence should provide a summary of the topic and prepare the reader for the detailed information to follow.
coherence
Use a range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This can include linking words, and phrases, as well as varied sentence structures that clearly show the relationships between ideas.
logical structure
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea that is further explained and supported by specific data or examples from the charts.
task response
You should work on addressing the essay prompt more directly. The task was to discuss the advantages and disadvantages, but your essay mainly reported on the data. Be sure to directly answer the prompt in your introduction and conclusion, giving balanced consideration to both sides of the argument.
clarity
You can enhance the clarity of your essay by expanding on your points with comprehensive explanations, rather than just listing the data. Explain why the numbers increased or decreased, and provide insights into the possible implications of these changes. This will help in achieving a higher score for a clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite