An average British child watches television for more than 20 hours in a week and indulge in 7 hours of physical activity. What is the situation in your country and what are the causes of it? What are the solution to overcome the same?

#british #child #watches #television #hours #week #activity #situation #country

These days, technology has been developing really soon, but we do not know how we must use it with less damage;

as a result

, we can see

children

all over the world who have less

activity

time

, but spend a

lot

time

For example

, a British child watches television approximately 20 hours a week and indulges in 7 hours of physical

activity

. In

this

essay, we will discuss the main problems associated with

this

epidemic and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately, spending a

lot

time

watching

is really popular among kids, and in my country

children

spend nearly 24 hours a week another issue has some reasons namely,

parents

do not spend

time

with

children

;

moreover

children

choose comfortable ways for free

time

Firstly

, currently, most of the

parents

work outside, and they do not have a

lot

time

for

children

's activities

such

as going park, walking, sailing, and other activities.

Also

, their preferences are

children

without

activity

, for they are really tired.

Secondly

, kids like other people prefer to spend leisure

time

with less

activity

;

hence

programs are the best selection for

children

instead

of exercise which needs a

lot

of energy. For

this

matter schools should change these ways of life.

In addition

, governments ought to increase

parents

’ income and get them more spare

time

Initially

, when teachers in school get students' plans for the

time

after institute their

parents

must check these things;

furthermore

, when students do the schedule win a prize;

then

after many

time

children

spend less

time

Second,

if a family have not only enough money but

also

lot

of free

time

for their

children

;

therefore

, they spend a

lot

time

controlling their

children

's activities. In conclusion,

this

question is a result of

parents

' behaviour and surroundings, yet when teachers teach a good lifestyle in school and

parents

take care of

children

we can alter

this

position to a nice situation.

Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on Sun Jun 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Overall, the introduction successfully outlines the topic and the aim of the essay. However, it could be made clearer and more concise to engage the reader more effectively.

coherence and cohesion

Try to divide the essay into paragraphs for each point discussed. This will improve readability and coherence.

task response

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. A thorough proofread would help eliminate these mistakes and make the essay more fluent.

task response

Provide more specific data or studies to support your claims. This will make your arguments more convincing.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are very long and complex, making them harder to follow. Consider breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences.

task response

The essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the situation in the writer's country and providing solutions.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion nicely ties up the arguments presented in the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The use of transitions like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' helps to organize points in a coherent manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
physical activity
proliferation
digital devices
social media influence
indoor entertainment
educational pressures
safety concerns
structured physical education
community safety
government initiatives
sports infrastructure
community events
overall well-being
balance

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
A museum near your home is looking for people to do unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntery work at the museum. write a letter to the museum director to apply for the volunteer work in your letter explain why ou want to do voluntary work at the museum describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful give details of when you would be available for work
I hope you are well and i am writing this letter to take part in social work. My name is Harjeet Kaur and living near the museum. Beside this, you are doing really good work beacuse childern are taking interest in it.
5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Become expert in a such specialist qualification is a must amongst the students. Some higher educational institutions aim for their pupils to study not only fundamental ones but also additional educational program courses, meanwhile, others assume that it is more critical to allocate their time and pay attention to the subject that they are qualified. I perceive that this condition would have some impact on the students later on. Thus, I would like to explain both of those conditions and the following additional reasons.
7
band
People are living much longer than before, and this creates enormous pressure on government services. What are some of the effects of a much larger, older population and what can governments do to deal with this problem?
Advances in medicine and healthier lifestyles mean that people are living longer, and many countries have ageing populations. This creates challenges for governments in supporting a growing number of older people. This essay will look at the effects of this problem and suggest possible ways that governments can manage it.
7
band
More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?
The growing population in numerous countries has created an urgent need for more housing options. A critical question in urban planning is whether it is preferable to expand housing within existing urban areas or establish new towns in rural regions. This essay delves into the advantages of both approaches and concludes with a recommendation.
4.5
band
Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many are of the opinion that citizens should maintain all their income without imposing taxation to the government due to the difficulties for necessity purchase, However, I am largely in disagreement with this perspective since gaining proper amount of tax depending on personal finances encourages society to strike a balance in economic differences.

An average British child watches television for more than 20 hours in a week and indulge in 7 hours of physical activity. What is the situation in your country and what are the causes of it? What are the solution to overcome the same?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People are living much longer than before, and this creates enormous pressure on government services. What are some of the effects of a much larger, older population and what can governments do to deal with this problem?

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?