An average British child watches television for more than 20 hours in a week and indulge in 7 hours of physical activity. What is the situation in your country and what are the causes of it? What are the solution to overcome the same?

#british #child #watches #television #hours #week #activity #situation #country

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These days, technology has been developing really soon, but we do not know how we must use it with less damage;

as a result

, we can see

children

all over the world who have less

activity

time

, but spend a

lot

time

For example

, a British child watches television approximately 20 hours a week and indulges in 7 hours of physical

activity

. In

this

essay, we will discuss the main problems associated with

this

epidemic and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately, spending a

lot

time

watching

is really popular among kids, and in my country

children

spend nearly 24 hours a week another issue has some reasons namely,

parents

do not spend

time

with

children

;

moreover

children

choose comfortable ways for free

time

Firstly

, currently, most of the

parents

work outside, and they do not have a

lot

time

for

children

's activities

such

as going park, walking, sailing, and other activities.

Also

, their preferences are

children

without

activity

, for they are really tired.

Secondly

, kids like other people prefer to spend leisure

time

with less

activity

;

hence

programs are the best selection for

children

instead

of exercise which needs a

lot

of energy. For

this

matter schools should change these ways of life.

In addition

, governments ought to increase

parents

’ income and get them more spare

time

Initially

, when teachers in school get students' plans for the

time

after institute their

parents

must check these things;

furthermore

, when students do the schedule win a prize;

then

after many

time

children

spend less

time

Second,

if a family have not only enough money but

also

lot

of free

time

for their

children

;

therefore

, they spend a

lot

time

controlling their

children

's activities. In conclusion,

this

question is a result of

parents

' behaviour and surroundings, yet when teachers teach a good lifestyle in school and

parents

take care of

children

we can alter

this

position to a nice situation.

Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on Sun Jun 30 2024

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task response

Overall, the introduction successfully outlines the topic and the aim of the essay. However, it could be made clearer and more concise to engage the reader more effectively.

coherence and cohesion

Try to divide the essay into paragraphs for each point discussed. This will improve readability and coherence.

task response

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. A thorough proofread would help eliminate these mistakes and make the essay more fluent.

task response

Provide more specific data or studies to support your claims. This will make your arguments more convincing.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are very long and complex, making them harder to follow. Consider breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences.

task response

The essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the situation in the writer's country and providing solutions.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion nicely ties up the arguments presented in the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The use of transitions like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' helps to organize points in a coherent manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
physical activity
proliferation
digital devices
social media influence
indoor entertainment
educational pressures
safety concerns
structured physical education
community safety
government initiatives
sports infrastructure
community events
overall well-being
balance

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An average British child watches television for more than 20 hours in a week and indulge in 7 hours of physical activity. What is the situation in your country and what are the causes of it? What are the solution to overcome the same?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

the pie chart and the bar chart talk about different complaints types in different areas

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

(VMN)Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railway and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

many people like to wear a fashionable clothes. What is the reason for that, do you think this is a good or a bad thing?

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening?Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?