IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that uniform should be made compulsory part of the workplace, some disagree, discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #uniform #part #workplace #disagree
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There is still a debate on making a
uniform
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 an obligation or not.
Although
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 some people argue that every employee should wear a
uniform
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while
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 in their workplace,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others completely disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and address my opinion regarding the topic.
To begin
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,
uniform
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 as a main part of the appearance will shape employee's
behaviour
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. When a worker wears a
uniform
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, they will realise that there is a particular identity which is attached to them through the
uniform
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. The identity will shape the worker's
behaviour
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 because wherever they go, they will be easily identified.
For instance
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, a police officer is always keeping his good
behaviour
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 in front of the public since he is perceived as a role model.
Therefore
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, uniforms can be an essential tool for employers to shape their worker's
behaviour
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.
On the other hand
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, uniforms will make a workplace look too formal and hinder creativity. The same dresses that are worn by a group of people will make the workplace too formal and boring which obstructs the imagination from going wild. Imagination is needed in
a particular areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
a particular area
particular areas
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 of business
such
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 as in tech or start-up companies that involve imagination in their daily work.
Thus
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, almost all tech companies have fewer restrictions on what employees are wearing and give them the liberty to choose what they need to wear.
As a result
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, the nonuniformity of the appearance will encourage innovation through creativity. In conclusion,
although
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 there is undoubtedly a strong argument between the two sides, it is imperative that we should not obligate workers to wear a
uniform
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while
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 working. Various colours, types, and models of appearance should be celebrated as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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leverages
Correct subject-verb agreement
leverage
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 creative thinking through a playful ambience.
Submitted by aday.mailing on

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task achievement
Ensure each body paragraph has a clear central idea supported by examples. While you provided general examples, more specific, detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow of ideas by using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively. Your essay shows a good structure, but you can enhance it by varying your linking phrases.
task achievement
You have presented both views and your own opinion, but the development of your opinion could be stronger. Clearly state and elaborate on your stance throughout the essay, not just the conclusion.
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