IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to bee shared freely. Discuss these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world #bee
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Nowadays, when sharp development in different fields of studies can be observed,
people
 argue whether
knowledge
 must be accessible or person should pay to get it. It is agreed , that valuable
information
 requires years of
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
,
therefore
 not everything should be shared for free.
This
 essay ,
firstly
, will discuss why it is necessary to provide
people
 with sufficient
knowledge
 and with what kind, followed by an analysis of reasons why some experiences should be gained by a fee.
To begin
 with, a huge amount of different scientific research is available in academic books or on websites for free,
therefore
people
 who are really interested in a particular field of study can receive important
information
. Undoubtedly,
this
 issue has a strongly positive impact on a person's desire to study and develop ,which contributes to new beneficial investigations for humanity .
For example
, access to
information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
interaction
Correct article usage
the interaction
show examples
 between chemical compounds led to the invention of fuel.
In addition
,
people
 these days have a lot of
knowledge
 about planets,their bodies and
environment
Correct pronoun usage
their environment
show examples
due to
 previous research which was done hundreds of years ago and which can be found easily in libraries.
On the other hand
, some sort of experience requires payment and
this
 is appropriate when it comes to getting some practical skills.
For instance
, to become a doctor,regardless of a particular type of specialization, theoretical acquirements are not enough.
Nevertheless
, successful medical practitioners spend years of studying and huge amounts of money to achieve their goals.
Moreover
, they were taught in a difficult way with a lot of mistakes and falls,
thus
 each achievement should be evaluated fairly.
Besides
, each field which requires practical skills needs to be paid.
To conclude
,
this
 essay supports the idea that
due to
 the availability of
gaining
Verb problem
apply
show examples
knowledge
 freely,
people
 are educated,
however
, some kind of
information
 is valuable enough to pay for it.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarise the key arguments made.
development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then developed with explanations or examples. While you have provided some examples, further development with more specific instances could enhance the arguments.
cohesion
Transitional phrases are important for guiding the reader through your argument and showing the relationship between different points. While there is some use of linking words, more could be utilized to improve the essay's flow.
task response
Aim for a balance between general statements and specific examples. Your essay could benefit from more concrete examples and facts to support your arguments on why certain information requires payment.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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