Scientists and technology expert seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

The dynamics of society have continuously been changing depending on the present hierarchy. In the present, many societies are science-centric, appreciating technological experts more than art and music makers. It is my contention that the newer generations should focus more on valuing scientists and engineers, aiming to achieve outcomes that are both profitable and practical to the existing global dilemmas. First and foremost, back in the 1990s,

people

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were paying more attention to the professions like musicians and artists for their unique work. Over the recent years,

this

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has changed as

people

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are now prioritizing science and technology-related specialists over others who have creative skills in art. Owing to the constant advancements achieved in digitalization and AI, a huge demand has emerged for IT specialists , especially developers.

For instance

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, parents and young candidates prefer to study in technical majors because there are

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golden employment prospects for fresh graduates. Bearing in mind the benefits of holding technical expertise, more and more

people

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opting to set up a new career in

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promising field.

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, it takes a substantial amount of time for a science scholar to perfect his/her skills,

thus

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, dramatically increasing their value among the societies. It is worth noting that they play a crucial role in finding solutions to the most comprehensive obstacles that humanity is facing now. To cite an example, a couple of scientists found a cure for COVID-19 which completely reshaped our world by concluding the pandemic. Hereby,

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type of solution ratifies again that these

people

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should always be the focus of public interest. In conclusion, despite some art enthusiasts having a collection of spectacular items and

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contributing to their countries a lot by means of reputation and monetary value, they receive less attention in comparison with technical experts who bring massive value to societies.

orkhanshamil

Feb 4, 2024

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Introduction

Ensure that your introduction sets a clear context for the essay and that your position on the topic is explicit from the beginning. Try to state your thesis statement more clearly.

Task Achievement

Work on task achievement by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure you discuss the reasons why society may value scientists and technology experts over musicians and artists, and present a balanced view if the question requires it. Address any opposite views to strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that there are clear connections between your main ideas and that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence. Also, use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.

Examples

Using specific examples strengthens your argument. Try to include more detailed and relevant examples to illustrate your points effectively.

Lexical Resource

You could include a wider range of vocabulary with more precise terms related to the topic, which would add depth to your essay and demonstrate language proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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