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Writing Samples
Band 6

Working abroad is increasingly popular among the young people in Myanmar. Do the advantages of working abroad outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #myanmar
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A growing number of youths from Myanmar choose to
work
 overseas.
While
 there is obviously a benefit to choosing to
work
 overseas, I believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages. They can get a high salary and good overseas working experiences;
on the other hand
, they can feel homesick for being away from their
home
. On the one hand,most nations can provide good salaries. That's why a worker from Myanmar can get a higher salary than in their local area.
For instance
, an electrical engineer's salary range in Singapore is 10 times higher than in Myanmar.
Moreover
, international experiences may help individuals become more professional in their careers. Simply because most of the overseas
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 are built with different nationalities. Working with them may improve their flexibility and understanding of other people’s working nature and culture.
For example
, when they
work
together with
 Japanese people,they will know how Japanese people are very detailed on each individual thing and accurate on the timeline.
On the other hand
, those people may miss
home
while
 working in other countries.
This
 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
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 because an individual may have been isolated in an unfamiliar environment. One
such
 example is that a person who works in Japan may have to eat Japanese food in their daily life, which makes them yearn for the food from
home
.
To conclude
, homesickness is a common issue for being away from
home
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high income and getting good international working experiences are advantages.
Therefore
, there are more upsides to working abroad than downsides.
Submitted by mr.shinephonemyat on

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. For a higher task response score, ensure that the position is maintained throughout and provide a more balanced discussion between the two sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs, use a wider range of linking words, and ensure that paragraphing is clear and logically organised.
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