IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit These places?

#museums #sites #tourists #people #case #visit #places
In the current era, countless
of
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apply
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museums and historical sites have attracted a lot of tourists
however
 they do not succeed in catching the local visitors’ interest.
This
 writing will attempt to elaborate not only
the
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on the
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 reason why it happens but
also
the
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on the
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 pertinent instance. The causes that affect the huge distinction of the number
of
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apply
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are varied.
The
Correct article usage
First
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first,
some of the locals are not keen on the
histrory
Correct your spelling
history
 compared to the foreigners
that
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who
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 have
high
Add an article
a high
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 fancy
on
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for
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 it. As
it
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apply
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can be seen
that
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apply
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, most
of
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museums treasure a lot of historical and ancient heritage. The second is
due to
 the cultural
identify
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identity
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 that had by
the
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a
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 certain area.
This
 leads to less excitement
to
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for
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 the natives to explore.
In contrast
, overseas outsiders are more curious since other countries’ inheritances are attractive to view since and could gain countless
lesson
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lessons
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of
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about
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 the places’ past
story
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stories
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. Another consideration is that several heritage sites are not really picturesque
for
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in
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the
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apply
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design, so it just can
attach
Verb problem
attract
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 the elders’ attention
while
 the youths are not fascinated. In fact, some of them are not well
mantained
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maintained
 by the government and insiders sometimes do not follow the
rugulation
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regulation
regulations
 by throwing
rubbishes
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rubbish
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 around the historical spot. Some actions could be
done
Verb problem
taken
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 to
takle
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tackle
take
 the issue. The
first,
to persuade the dwellers
are
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is
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 by decorating the museum in more stunning and
eyecatching
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eye-catching
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 elements,
such
 as utilizing high technology elements and decorating every single corner of the wall
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 more picturesque. The
second,
to
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is to
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 heighten the promotion in social media by inclining the educational side of the historical venue since the majority of internet users are teenagers. To
sump
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sum
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 up, the inheritance spots could be more appealing if the
consevation
Correct your spelling
conservation
 is well managed by the government.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure to the essay, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, main points, and conclusion. Work towards a more fluid connection between ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly restates the question and prepare the reader for the structure of the essay, as well as a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates the answer to the question.
task achievement
Expand on your main points by providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your assertions, and ensure relevance to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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