The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed-line phones from 1994 to 2004.
The line graph below provides an analysis of citizens in Africa joining cell and landline
phones
. This
analysis takes a decade, from 1994 to 2004 and covers 100 inhabitants.
Overall
, the residence
Correct quantifier usage
number of residence
phones
slightly increased, while
mobile phones
had sharp growth from the beginning. However
fixed-line phones
had more amount of people than other kinds of phones
.
In 1994, subscribing people on residence phones
more than mobile by approximately 1 percent
, Change the spelling
per cent
furthermore
, percentage
of using new gadgets stayed higher than old only after 7 years. Joiners to cell Correct article usage
the percentage
phones
was
0.6 Change the verb form
were
percent
.
In 2001, a new gadget crossed the blue indicator and didn’t stop its enormous climb, Change the spelling
per cent
while
the blue line had a really minimal up. From this
period of time, the percentage of those phones
was around 2,8. To sum up
, we can see that at the end
of the 2004 year, the percentage of home phones
reached to
3,1, Change preposition
apply
whereas
cell phones
had 8.8 per cent.Submitted by balnur_amantay on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words phones with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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