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Band 4

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching T.V . However, TV cannot replace the book as a learning tool,which is why children are less well educated today,to what extent do you agree with this statement ?

#children #time #v #tv #book #tool
Increasing
Correct article usage
The increasing
show examples
 of well-educated
children
 is because of
prefering whatching
Correct your spelling
prefer watching TV
T
.
V
instead
 of reading books,
as well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 more
time
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on
T.
Correct your spelling
TV programmes
V
 progerams by
children
.I fairly agree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
due to
 two reasons.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
 there are a lot of non-beneficial shows on
T
,
V
 and
second,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of consideration can be introduced by
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 on
T.
Correct your spelling
TV
V
 when watching an educational program.
To begin
 with,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
children
 spend their
time
 on entertainment shows
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 sports matches and comedy movies, which are benefits-free in
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 of education. Attraction youths to dedicating free
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
T
.
V
 is lurative for creators and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in
charges
Fix the agreement mistake
charge
show examples
 of
televesion
Correct your spelling
television
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they do not care about
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 to teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
,
consequently
, all
leisure
Correct article usage
the leisure
show examples
time
 of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 can be filled by which they are
intrest
Correct your spelling
interested
interest
 in.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a program of Football World Cup will absorb
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 more audiences than
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
mathematics. Because of that,
T.
Correct your spelling
TV
V
 can not increase
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate
Add the comma(s)
, throught
show examples
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 people.
Secondly
, studying and learning
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
focuse-demanding
Correct your spelling
focused-demanding
focus-demanding
while
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of
destraction
Correct your spelling
destruction
distraction
 can halt focusing on subjects. The boldest one of these
destractions
Correct your spelling
distractions
 is
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 which are seen
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every second
time
 of
T
.
V
.
This
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead
Replace the word
leads
show examples
 to
decresing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
gaining
Verb problem
apply
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knowledge
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
T
.
V
. To be more precise, when a student is passing a geography session in
this
 way, a short subtitle about an
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 concert
for example
 may run what he/she has made in mind.
subsequently
, it
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 that,
reanig
Correct your spelling
reading
 an educational book is more practical for learning compared to
whatchin
Correct your spelling
what is
 on
televesion
Correct your spelling
television
. In
conclusio
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, accurate learning is more feasible by book rather than on
T
.
V
.
First,
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 can
cosider
Correct your spelling
consider
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their lessons more
convenient
Change the word
conveniently
show examples
 because no advertising
exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
 in books.
Secondly
,most of the books provide crucial
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 whilst,
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
T.
Correct your spelling
TV
V
 programs just invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 funny and entertainment shows.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use connecting words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments. Both should be distinct and explicitly state the thesis.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples or evidence, which strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas to fully address the prompt. Give equal attention to discussing the extent to which you agree with the given statement, and whether you think TV can be educational or not.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to convey them more comprehensively. Aim for a more nuanced argument that reflects the complexity of the issue, considering both sides where appropriate.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary to express your ideas clearly and effectively. Be mindful of sentence structure and word choice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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