IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantage of this is outweigh the Like disadvantages?

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An increasing number of people's needs for
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
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 are getting bigger, and one solution offered is to do new
exploration
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 in isolated locations. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why the drawbacks overshadow the benefits. On the one hand,
gas
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 and
oil
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 are still important for industries as sources of energy.
Therefore
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, to fulfil it
is needed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
exploration
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 of the remote area is necessary. Some benefits could be obtained,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it can turn the economy of the local people. The inhabitants around the site
for example
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can contribute to work with the corporation and get a higher salary than the regional minimum wage.
Additionally
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, the existence of industry
also
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 followed with building
new
Change preposition
of new
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 roads in untouched areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, shipping some logistics can be easier.
On the other hand
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, several detrimental effects towards the establishment of
oil
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 or
gas
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exploration
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 may occur.
Firstly
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, there will be massive deforestation to build the industry.
As a result
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, it could decrease the number of sources for carbon capture.
Secondly
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, the waste that might be produced because of the mining will make the environmental condition deteriorate. Take many
unresponsible
Correct your spelling
irresponsible
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 companies
for example
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, they only care about their own profit and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 make any effort like corporate social responsibility (CRS)
such
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 as reforestation after the
oil
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exploration
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 is done. In conclusion, the idea of finding new sources of
oil
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 and
gas
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 in isolated areas could
brings
Verb problem
be
show examples
 harmful to the environment.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.

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introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your argument. A thesis statement that summarizes your main points would strengthen your introduction.
paragraph structure
Structure your paragraphs so that each main point is clearly introduced with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples.
linking words
Work on linking your ideas more explicitly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas.
argument balance
Present a balanced argument by discussing opposing viewpoints more thoroughly and providing specific examples for each side of the argument.
conclusion
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly states your position without introducing new information.
supporting evidence
Strive to extend and support your main ideas with more detailed examples and evidence to enhance task achievement.
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