Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Spending time on TV, video and online
games
is a topic of considerable debate.
While
some people argue that it has a positive impact, others claim that it has a more devastating influence on their growth which I strongly believe.
This
essay will elaborate both views and my opinion with relevant examples. On the one hand, many people think that using technological, modern devices has a significant effect on individuals' behaviour.
In other words
, playing online sports can develop not only cognitive thinking but
also
enhance the sense of independence because gamers make their own decision which means they are trying to overcome challenging situations,
thus
, provides being mentally stable.
For instance
, a recent study shows that approximately 75% of global players believe video
games
supplemental stimulation and stress relief, where they get a healthy outlet from everyday difficulties and help them feel happier.
On the other hand
, some proponents urged that spending more time watching television programs can cause serious health problems related to eye vision because UV lights from phone screens as the ability to damage people's cornea.
In addition
to that, it
averts
Verb problem
prevents
show examples
the young ones from indulging in outdoor activities ,
therefore
, they may not feel refreshed or active during the day.
For instance
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research shows that an average of 60% of offspring prioritize screen timing and indoor
games
like video or multiplayer
games
rather than playing on the grounds which has plagued health-related issues
such
as obesity.
To sum up
, considering the numerous advantages
such
as being involved in a range of amusement allowing physical well-being, it is my firm conviction that console
games
disrupt the human health condition.
Submitted by dilnurakari06 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and avoid mixing different ideas within a single paragraph for improved clarity and logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas with a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Although the current essay uses some linking phrases, more could be used to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Focus on a balanced argument by dedicating similar lengths to discussing both views before stating your opinion. This will demonstrate a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
Try to integrate clear, focused ideas in your essay. While you have provided a general discussion, some ideas could be further explained or developed for greater clarity and depth.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. The examples you've given are relevant but can be further detailed to strengthen your case and make the argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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