Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
believe that the
government
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is responsible for implementing ways to improve
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
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lifestyles of
people
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.
While
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others argue that leading a healthy lifestyle is an individual choice.
This
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essay will discuss both views and provide my opinion. Examining the former view, the propionate
claim
Correct subject-verb agreement
claims
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that it is the duty of the
government
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to take care of the
food
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habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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of
people
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. To a large extent, it is like imposing the rules if there are strict rules for junk
food
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availability.
For example
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, if there are limited outlets, many
people
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will avoid going to
such
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places.
Also
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, they can put restrictions on the production of certain
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
. To add to that, the
government
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also
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can put a restriction on soft drink products. So as much as less availability as less use. So by that, they can control the uses.
On the other hand
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, I believe that individuals take some
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
for their diet and health.
This
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is because most
people
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lead a sedentary lifestyle.
For example
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,
people
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can drive to work
instead
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of riding bicycles. Many
people
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prefer staying at home to engaging in outdoor activities. In terms of children, they have to face pressure from studying and spend less time on sports.
Furthermore
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, the prevalence of fast
food
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and processed
food
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leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
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imbalanced diet. Because of the hectic life,
people
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do not have enough time to prepare
foods
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food
show examples
.
As a result
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, junk foods are
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
by many customers.
However
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, these foods contain too much fat and sugar, which would make
people
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suffer from dangerous diseases.
Therefore
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, it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time for every person to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
of their lifestyle and eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
To conclude
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, I think both are equally responsible,
people
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must be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
their own health and take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
it,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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the
government
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should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way to put it into
people
Use synonyms
’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure you have a clear thesis statement that outlines your view and the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoothly connecting paragraphs and ideas with appropriate transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure to address the task by discussing both views comprehensively and providing a clear personal stance.
task achievement
Increase the specificity of your examples to better illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
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