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Band 4

How do you feel about the impact of technology on social isolation? Give some examples to support your view.

#impact #technology #isolation #support
Social
isolation
due to
technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is a part of the rising debate of our current human world. I believe that the impact
technology
 has had on social
isolation
 has been really detrimental, making individuals comfortable being alone scrolling through social media or preferring videogames over social meetings,
this
due to
 the secondary-effects caused by addiction to
technology
, some examples are, anxiety, depression and emotional instability, that
as a consequence
, lead to social
isolation
. To illustrate the previously mentioned, more than 50% of teenagers suffer from social
isolation
 related to
technology
, studies have shown, that they tend to gravitate more towards video games or endless social media scrolling than
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 experiences,
such
 as hanging out with friends.
Moreover
, in some extreme cases, some individuals even lost all their friends, making it even harder to get out of that loneliness.
Furthermore
, a study conducted by the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Sydney showed, that these types of issues tend to happen when
technology
 is abused and its use is not correctly regulated, having a direct result
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people's mental health, affecting not only, their well-being, self-esteem and happiness but
also
 making them prone to emotional instability, anxiety and depression. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the impact of
technology
 on social
isolation
 has been pretty much negative,
additionally
, teens are the most affected by
this
 issue,
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
show examples
 that makes them vulnerable to experiencing mental health problems ranging from anxiety to depression and see their well-being decay at a very early age.
Submitted by alonsoddel78 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay provides a clear position on the impact of technology on social isolation, it could benefit from a more structured development of ideas. Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by specific examples.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your main points, include more detailed examples and evidence. Instead of general statements about teenagers and technology use, offer concrete statistics or findings from credible sources. This adds validity to your argument.
task achievement
Be sure to expand on your conclusion by summarizing your main arguments and reflecting on the broader implications or potential solutions for the issue of technology-induced social isolation. This will round off your essay nicely and signal to the reader that it has reached a thoughtful end.
task achievement
It is important to fully respond to all parts of the task. While you have addressed the impact of technology on social isolation, you could elaborate more on why you feel this way, possibly by comparing to past experiences without technology or theorizing how different levels of technology might alter social dynamics.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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