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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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There is no denying the fact that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to be a good person is an important thing.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
parents
Use synonyms
 must teach
kids
Use synonyms
 how to be good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
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, there is
also
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 an argument that
school
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 is the right place to do that.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both views and express my opinion. On the one hand, there are some
people
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 who believe that
parents
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 should teach their
children
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 how to be good
members
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 of
society
Use synonyms
 for many reasons. First of all,
children
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 spend a lot of time with their
parents
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.
For example
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, when l was a kid, I used to listen only to my
parents
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 because they were the only
people
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 who l trusted and spent most of my time with.
In addition
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,
parents
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 are the only
people
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 who truly love their
children
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.
In other words
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, there are a lot of bad
people
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 in
this
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 world and
children
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 can not know who is good and who is bad, so it is the parent's responsibility to teach their
kids
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 everything.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
school
Use synonyms
 is the right place to teach
kids
Use synonyms
 how to be good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, a lot of
people
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 think in
this
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 way because in
school
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 the teachers can see how
children
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 truly behave. Based on that, they can teach them how to become a good person because many
children
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 behave differently when they are with their
parents
Use synonyms
 so
parents
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 can not see how their
kids
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 truly behave and teach them.
Moreover
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, each child learns different things from their
parents
Use synonyms
. It is
also
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 possible to say that
school
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 is one of the places where
children
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 meet each other and share their experiences and what
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
, so teachers can correct any wrong behaviour that the child has learned, and in return, other
kids
Use synonyms
 will avoid
this
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 behaviour as well. In conclusion, there are no essay answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 how to be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good member
good members
show examples
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
 is the parent’s responsibility.
Submitted by aminaalmatrook on

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Grammar and Accuracy
Be sure to check your essay for grammatical accuracy and consistency in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and plural forms. Also, pay attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity.
Paragraph Development
Work on developing clear and focused main points within your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that it is expanded upon with enough detail and examples.
Linking Words and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the coherence of your essay. However, avoid overusing them and ensure they fit naturally into the context.
Supporting Examples
Provide more concrete and detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific anecdotes or data can help illustrate your points and make them more persuasive.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are important for framing your essay and should clearly state your main point or opinion. Strengthen these sections for greater impact, ensuring your conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information.
Repetition and Vocabulary
There are several instances of unnecessary repetition and awkward phrasing. Aim to express your ideas more concisely and with varied vocabulary.
Task Response
Ensure you answer all parts of the prompt thoroughly. You have addressed the general topic, but you could provide a more nuanced response to cover the subtleties of the question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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