IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Many people believe that family impact is the best way to teach
children
 good manners.
Whereas
, others consider
school
 as a main source for raising valuable members of society.
Whereas
 a part of
parents
 continue to rely on specialists in educational institutions,
this
 essay agrees that
parents
 are the most important source of behavioural
education
 for their
children
. Historically, the
school
 was established as a specific place to study.
Moreover
, some people used to rely on a teacher as the most competent specialist in the
education
 of their
children
, which is partly true.
However
, the amount of time that an average teacher could dedicate to one child personally is limited.
This
 is a typical situation nowadays when schools become overcrowded which affects an
education
 process where teachers do not focus on a child as on the individual.
On the other hand
,
parents
 are always fully responsible for the basic
education
 of their
children
 and
this
 process starts from the day of birth of a new family member. Young kids start to learn about the world from their father’s and mother’s behaviour as
children
 spend most of their time in tight contact with them. First comments and encouragement for the child are always provided by
parents
.
For instance
, the culture of greetings and being thankful is well-known to
children
 long before the first lesson at
school
, which is why I agree, that good behaviour must be taught by
parents
. In conclusion,
parents
 who are always around remain the most important and the most reliable teachers who prepare their
children
 for future social interactions. Compared to
school
 where
children
 are treated as a group, which is not beneficial for young individuals, in my opinion.
Submitted by sashko.holodniy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure throughout with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments. Consider using more cohesive devices to help link ideas and arguments across the essay.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully with specific examples to back up your points. Make sure each paragraph encapsulates a clear main idea, and expand on this idea with concrete examples from life, studies, or hypothetical scenarios.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: