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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Many people believe that family impact is the best way to teach
children
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 good manners.
Whereas
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, others consider
school
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 as a main source for raising valuable members of society.
Whereas
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 a part of
parents
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 continue to rely on specialists in educational institutions,
this
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 essay agrees that
parents
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 are the most important source of behavioural
education
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 for their
children
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. Historically, the
school
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 was established as a specific place to study.
Moreover
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, some people used to rely on a teacher as the most competent specialist in the
education
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 of their
children
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, which is partly true.
However
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, the amount of time that an average teacher could dedicate to one child personally is limited.
This
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 is a typical situation nowadays when schools become overcrowded which affects an
education
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 process where teachers do not focus on a child as on the individual.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 are always fully responsible for the basic
education
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 of their
children
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 and
this
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 process starts from the day of birth of a new family member. Young kids start to learn about the world from their father’s and mother’s behaviour as
children
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 spend most of their time in tight contact with them. First comments and encouragement for the child are always provided by
parents
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.
For instance
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, the culture of greetings and being thankful is well-known to
children
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 long before the first lesson at
school
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, which is why I agree, that good behaviour must be taught by
parents
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. In conclusion,
parents
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 who are always around remain the most important and the most reliable teachers who prepare their
children
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 for future social interactions. Compared to
school
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 where
children
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 are treated as a group, which is not beneficial for young individuals, in my opinion.
Submitted by sashko.holodniy on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure throughout with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments. Consider using more cohesive devices to help link ideas and arguments across the essay.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully with specific examples to back up your points. Make sure each paragraph encapsulates a clear main idea, and expand on this idea with concrete examples from life, studies, or hypothetical scenarios.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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