The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.

#home #activities #children #four #countries

The bar chart displays home activities

such

computer

games

, reading, board

games

, and watching

Correct your spelling

show examples

in Malaysia, China, Nigeria, and Sudan

Overall

, the highest data in each

country

computer

games

, followed

for

Change preposition

show examples

watching

Correct your spelling

show examples

with the same data, and the activity with less interaction is reading. Nigeria, is the

country

with a big portion of participation in

computer

games

, being reading the activity with less data. Malasya and Sudan had a similar analysis in their bars

Remove the comma

apply

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since video

games

and

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had the same portions of 50 and 30.

Instead

, Sudan and

nigeria

Change the capitalization

Nigeria

show examples

had a small portion of 10 in the category of reading, and Malsya and China got 20 and 15.

Besides

, the feature of watching

is a category in second place after

computer

games

, since each

country

had the same 30

portion

Change to a plural noun

portions

show examples

of children.

Nonetheless

, China was the

country

with the lowest participation in

computer

games

, it got a percentage of 40 in comparison with the other countries.

Submitted by jennitobon16 on Mon Feb 05 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, tv, country with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

163 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.

Some people think the newly built houses should be the same as the old house style in local areas. Others argue that local authorities should allow people to build houses in their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching another planet to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

An increasing number of schools provide tablets and laptop computers for students to use in school, replacing books and other printed materials like exams and assignments. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, tv programs and other media. why is it happening? what can be the solution for it? give your opinion and include relevant examples.