Many people feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, with
an
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the
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increasing development of technological advances individuals utilise devices like computers, phones and laptops more often compared to the past.
Consequently
, some argue that
a
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the
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habit of using social media negatively affects people's concentration
whereas
others think the opposite. I truly agree with the former statement, and
this
essay will explain why. First and foremost, online interaction distracts an individual from essential activities causing troubles in the future. Participating in social
neworks
Correct your spelling
networks
can become an addictive activity which creates financial and educational difficulties, as the person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not have enough time to complete
work
or study tasks.
For example
, research has shown that online socialising for more than four hours a day leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reluctant behaviour and
lazyness
Correct your spelling
laziness
.
As a result
, prioritising online interactions over
work
and study will cause poor results and disconnection with
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
Moreover
, some online platforms encourage their users to engage in games and online competitions. Gaming is another detrimental factor which adversely
affect
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affects
show examples
not just
work
, but
relationship
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relationships
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in the family.
For instance
, if the person spends most of the time playing computer games, it
become
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becomes
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extremely hard to contribute spare time and energy to the activities with your loved
once
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ones
show examples
.
Therefore
, the lack of interaction with relatives results in family conflicts and even divorce. In conclusion, even though social media offers great opportunities for
entertaining
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entertainment
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purposes, excessive use of digital devices negatively impacts
relationship
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relationships
show examples
in a family,
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
at
work
and study
accomplishment
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
show examples
.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay in a logical manner. Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good but the body paragraphs could be better connected to each other. Provide clearer transitions between them.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the task, but the response could be more comprehensive. Ensure to address the question directly throughout the essay.
task achievement
Aim to support your main points with specific and relevant examples. Including research findings is good, but they should be more detailed to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence, consider beginning body paragraphs with clear topic sentences that clearly state the main idea you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple and complex sentences to improve the readability and flow of your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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