Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expansive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The
food
component fructose is becoming a concerning point for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
.
Due to
the fact that many researches showed its detrimental
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
towards our
health
.
On the contrary
, various
food
and beverage manufacturers use
sugar
heavily for its savoury taste. In my opinion, increasing the price of
sugar
is a viable way to restrict
people
from consuming it and another way is to raise awareness among individuals of its harmful
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
health
researchers, fructose plays an important role in the taste
turning
Verb problem
making
show examples
the
food
delicious and satisfactory.
As a result
,
desert
Correct your spelling
dessert
show examples
is the most favourite part of a meal for many individuals.
However
, heavy consumption of various sugary
food
items
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
us high blood
sugar
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
fat in our
body
etc.
Moreover
, high blood
sugar
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
our eyes,
bone
Correct word choice
and bone
show examples
health
and
disbalance
Fix the agreement mistake
disbalances
show examples
hormones in our
body
. Rising the portion of fat in our
body
parts,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enhances the birth of another disastrous disease
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
.
As a consequence
,
such
health
disparities would
cause
Verb problem
cost
show examples
our valuable
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the price of
sugar
would restrain
people
from consuming
sugar
and foster a healthy society. As a suggestion, the government should spread awareness among individuals of
sugar
's detrimental
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
on our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. They should encourage
people
to use different available alternatives of
sugar
,
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
honey,
sugar
cane juice and maple syrup etc. These
ingradients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
are harvested naturally and contain various beneficial properties for our
health
. In conclusion, consuming any form of sugary
food
items
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
health
disparities.
Hence
,
people
should restrain themselves from consumption of
such
types of
food
.
Moreover
, making
sugar
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
show examples
and spreading awareness among
people
would cultivate restrainment from fructose and foster a vibrant healthy society.
Submitted by nehakarmakar45 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, the body paragraphs should each focus on a single main idea with supporting details, and the conclusion should summarize your argument and reiterate your position without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make sure each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next by using transitional phrases and clearly linking your points. This will create a more cohesive and compelling argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. Examples serve to illustrate and give credence to your claims, so where you mention health defects or alternative sugar sources, be sure to provide concrete instances or cite reputable sources for enhanced credibility.
task achievement
Task achievement can be improved by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Your essay should explore both the agreement/disagreement with making sugary products more expensive, as well as provide a clear argument with varied sentences and few to no grammatical errors.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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