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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion?

#people #earth #activity #place
In
this
 modern era, there has been
rise
Add an article
a rise
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities on the
earth
due to
 which our planet is getting harmed day by day. But some think that it is better to have more experiments which makes the
earth
 a better place to live. I personally believe that
this
 type of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 directly
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the
earth
 in
form
Correct article usage
the form
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 of
pollution
 and
resources
Change the noun form
resource
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 depletion. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will elaborate my viewpoint in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of reasons which are affecting the
earth
 and the most prominent one is
pollution
. There are different types of
pollution
 affecting the
life's
Change the noun form
lives
life
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 of society
such
 as air,
water
 and noise
pollution
 and so on.
Due to
 the advancement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 the production of new cars
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 daily basis which
further
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals to buy new
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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.
As a result
, it leads to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in air
pollution
 which directly
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the environment causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health problems.
Secondly
, the population is rising at a peak which directly
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of resources. The
water
 level is getting lower
due to
 its more wastage by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings.
For example
, the factories are throwing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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in
Change preposition
into
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 the rivers which directly
polluting
Wrong verb form
pollutes
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 the
water
 not only making it dirty but
also
 killing the
species
 in the
water
.
Moreover
,
due to
 the high demand
in
Change preposition
for
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 luxurious
houses
Add a comma
houses,
show examples
 the government is cutting more and more trees to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
also
 resulting in the extinction of
species
 from
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
For instance
, as per
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
new york
Correct your spelling
New York Times
show examples
times
Add a comma
times,
show examples
 the panda
species
 are on the verge of extinction
due to
 deforestation.
However
,
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to variety of experiments on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 helps to research new things but the rise in the temperature
as a result
 of global warming
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 as well. In conclusion,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to figure out something better, the change in climate
due to
 global warming and
species
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at the end
 of extinction is far
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than new research.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point that contributes to the overall stance.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on examples with specific details to reinforce arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both views and providing a clear and decisive opinion.
coherence cohesion
review the essay for sentence structure variety and proper use of complex sentences to enhance the quality of writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • conservation
  • ecology
  • emissions
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • habitat destruction
  • industrialization
  • pollutants
  • recycling
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • ecosystem
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