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Writing Samples
Band 6

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #offer #subjects #students’ #future #career #success #music #sports
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People assume that pivotal curriculums in schools have many advantages to obtaining a successful career in the future.
While
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 others think that non-academic things like instrumental and physical activities are not necessary. In
this
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 essay, I will explain some benefits of that in detail. Personally, the important modules
such
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 as science and social are indeed needed for pupils because the institution is preparing for career-related subjects in the long term. As can be seen, it has to be the main subject in every part of school activities, but students should encourage potential forms in extras. The extracurricular need creativity, intuition, leadership, teamwork, etc which makes valuable skills for the kids. Another reason is that children need to balance their cognitive sensitivity to develop a healthy brain system which music and sports could help. Melody has some complex compositions and rhythms that not everyone can understand. It builds a sense of creativity to make
such
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 a beautiful instrument.
In addition
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, outdoor exercises
also
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 are crucial in education because youths need to stretch their muscle after long journey lessons in class. One of the examples of a real story about sport is adapted by successful football players who consistently practice every time during their school. In return, they can be successful players in history.
To conclude
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, career-related subjects are the main program in the educational system for students, but I suggested that non-academics are essential for kids to develop their skills in their career future journey.
Submitted by wulandarianggieta on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your viewpoint, the body should contain distinct paragraphs for each main point, and the conclusion should neatly summarize your argument.
Cohesion & Coherence
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main point. Follow this by explaining the point in more detail and providing examples or evidence.
Task Response
Work on integrating more specific examples to support your points. General statements should be backed by more detailed explanations or real-world examples to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the subject.
Task Response
Pay attention to the balance of your arguments. If you are discussing two sides of an argument or various aspects of a topic, try to dedicate equal space and analysis to each.
Conclusion
Improve the quality of your conclusion by clearly restating your opinion and summarizing the main points discussed in the essay. Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.
Cohesion & Coherence
To prevent repetitive sentence structure, vary your sentence length and type. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to make your writing more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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