lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at schoo/. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s society, you are always going to be surrounded by all types
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
with different stories and personalities. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
it is important to know how to behave yourself in all social
groupes
Correct your spelling
groups
.
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
is the reasons for
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
I agree with the statement proposed.
People
who close themselves to specific social groups and do not come out of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
comfort zone when it comes to meeting
people
and accepting mixture in their “
engaurange
Correct your spelling
entourage
” are often weak in cultural aspects. Indeed, some
people
have some very
close minded
Add a hyphen
close-minded
show examples
ideas because of
this
. Maybe because when they were children they were always
surronded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
by the same type of
people
.
For example
, studies made by the University of San
diego
Change the capitalization
Diego
show examples
showed that adults who went to a public
school
are much more
openminded
Correct your spelling
open-minded
show examples
in LGBTQ issues than adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
went to a private
school
. It is
also
very rich to be
surronded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
in
school
by
people
with different abilities because
this
will help you to complement your capabilities by learning from the rest.
This
mixure
Correct your spelling
mixture
allows you to be a better version of yourself in not only
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
aspects but
also
social aspects.
This
argument can be illustrated by the fact that schools
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
have
this
aspect, after
also
have students that go to very good universities. In conclusion, it is very important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at
school
, because they become culturally richer, more open-minded and with more capabilities for the future.
Submitted by santos_dij on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences are relevant to the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, synonyms, pronouns) to link ideas more smoothly and clarify the relationships between points.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with detailed and specific examples, illustrating how diverse student backgrounds contribute to cultural wealth and open-mindedness.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your introduction and conclusion to more accurately and succinctly summarize your stance and the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for increased clarity and academic tone. Consider the use of complex sentence structures for a higher level writing style.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: