IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computer are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the leverage of computers. It is undeniable that computers are indispensable in
this
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 contemporary world. Now people are beginning to realize that
this
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 should be implemented into the
education
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 system at
schools
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. Personally, I tend to think that applying PC in classes has a thriving future, which gives amount opportunities for kids.
Firstly
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, it is well-known that all the necessary data these days are on the Internet. What I mean here is that by using laptops at school children have access to
this
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 and
thus
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 they may enhance their knowledge and get a comprehensive
education
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. One of the main reasons behind
that is
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 these days students encounter some challenges in studies,
such
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 as complicated STEM subjects, which have a detrimental effect on their self-confidence. A good case point is
according to
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 the IBS NEWS research conducted by scientists in Europe has shown that 35% of
schools
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, which do not have implemented technologies in the study, in comparison with
schools
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 that use devices have lower performance.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that there are amount of students who are deprived of modern technologies around the world, and applying laptops at
schools
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 would be a great opportunity for kids to use their valuable knowledge wisely.
That is
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 to say by leveraging computers in today's
education
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 system not only kids will benefit from it, but
also
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 the level of literacy and economic state of the country will be enhanced. Take
for example
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 African nations where the
education
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 level is considerably low and
this
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 sort of solution will enable them to get rid of poverty. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis, we can say that, implementing PC into the school system is a great solution to improve the literacy of the people and influence the country's flourishes.

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Coherence & Cohesion
It is crucial to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Make sure to have a strong introduction with a clear thesis, body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and a clear conclusion summarizing your thoughts and restating your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next with appropriate use of linking words and transition phrases. This will help to guide the reader through your argument in a clear, logically progressive way.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Rather than making broad statements, use detailed instances that directly relate to the argument you're making. Cite reliable sources where applicable to add credibility to your essay.
Task Achievement
While you have presented both views, strive for more balanced development of these arguments. Both the positive and negative aspects should receive equal attention and critical examination to provide a more balanced discussion before stating your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Refine your conclusion to more succinctly encapsulate your discussion and clearly state your own stance. A concluding paragraph is your final chance to leave a lasting impression on the reader, so make sure it clearly reflects the arguments you've made and provides a sense of closure to the topic.
General Advice
Throughout your essay, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. This includes proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that your vocabulary is varied and precise, which will help to communicate your ideas more effectively.
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