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Band 5.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
These days,when the term of stay in
prison
 ends,a lot of criminals do new delinquencies just after their release. It is agreed, that the main cause of
this
 issue is the lack of resources to provide life with better quality.
This
 essay,
firstly
, will discuss the main motives for causing new crimes,followed by an analysis of measurements which can be taken to prevent
this
.
To begin
 with, prisoners commit different types of offences justifying themselves with poverty and difficult life conditions. Undoubtedly, there are a lot of
people
 who do not want to change anything after prisoning and in
this
 case, any help will be useless.
On the other hand
, what is true , is that in countries with poor economies,
people
 do have not any opportunities to lead an honest lifestyle.
Moreover
 , robberies or drug trafficking are considered to be the only possible way to survive.
Consequently
, when they receive a chance to start over again after
prison
, they can not see other abilities except their previous ones.
However
, the government can provide
such
people
 with the possibility to work and receive a salary.
For example
, street cleaning or car parking could be a good way to start ,
thus
 they would be under constant surveillance to see if the person wants to change their life.
Accordingly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing the
numberMany
Fix the agreement mistake
number of
show examples
 criminals
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
further
 crimes as soon as they
released
Add a missing verb
are released
show examples
 from
prison
. What do you think are the causes of
this
? What possible solutions can you suggest?
people
 working in positions like these.
In addition
, it is a great ability to provide safety in society,by reducing risks of new crimes.
To conclude
,
this
 essay agrees that a lot of offences are committed repeatedly after
prison
,
nevertheless
, the government can take some measures to provide
such
people
 with an honest lifestyle.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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task achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are addressed. Your essay somewhat delves into the causes and solutions but there needs to be a deeper exploration and explanation of these elements to fully complete the task.
task achievement
Clarify and support your ideas with more detailed and concrete examples that reinforce the points made. General statements are less effective than specific, developed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure within paragraphs to ensure a clear progression of ideas. While there's an attempt to link ideas, some connections between points are vague and need to be made more explicit for better flow and understanding.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they are fully developed to adequately introduce and wrap up the discussion. They should reflect the key points made in the essay and succinctly convey its central argument.
coherence cohesion
Specifically develop main points through the use of examples or further explanation to add weight to the arguments presented in the essay. Unsupported or underdeveloped points weaken the overall cohesion of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
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