IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most people think that government should invest money in improving the quality of life in earth rather than exploring space. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, exploration of the galaxy is becoming more popular in many
countries
Use synonyms
 compared to spending money on quality of life. I am inclined to partially agree with the notion that governments should spend more investment on
Earth
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there is a strong linkage between
space
Use synonyms
 and the
earth
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
space
Use synonyms
 is an unlimited place and it is extremely difficult to learn
this
Linking Words
 knowledge specifically, explorations are being continued by governments in order to define a planet where there are a number of resources for living in the foreseeable future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when they can find any unknown planet, investigators can control that planet.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the world`s population is increasing
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 can be a valid concern for
countries
Use synonyms
. I,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, believe that the exploration of the galaxy does not necessarily guarantee more profit. As a matter of fact, it can be detrimental to citizens who live on
earth
Use synonyms
 since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have a tendency to live and it is becoming difficult
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 on
earth
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are more than enough people who are homeless and poor individuals who face starvation
Add the comma(s)
, as well as humans,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 humans are suffering painless death and diseases in Africa and other poor
countries
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should not overlook them and if they expand investment on the
earth
Use synonyms
 for the current life of individuals
instead
Linking Words
 of
space
Use synonyms
, it will
instil
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enhance a higher standard of living.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though exploring
space
Use synonyms
 can sometimes help measure problems, the financial status of
countries
Use synonyms
 needs more for individuals and the
earth
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, it could benefit from more detailed examples to support your arguments. Consider incorporating specific instances or data that reinforce your views on the importance of investing on Earth rather than space exploration.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, using a wider variety of linking words and transitions can improve the flow between ideas and sections, enhancing overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but to strengthen your argument, elaborate more on each point. Expanding on the reasons behind your stance with more depth can make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: