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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development, discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
In
this
 competitive world, every nation wants to be at the top , especially in
sports
. To achieve
this
 award, there are some governments that fully invest in coaching some specific athletes, in lieu of arranging
sports
 facilities for all the public to get access to.
Although
 it has some positive impacts I think its negative results overwhelmed those of positive ones, and to reduce these drawbacks it is needed to create a balance of supporting both sportsmen and the public. On the one hand, in order to gain
sports
 championships, it is essential to train some best athletes. Investing in some particular professionals for a country would be both cost-effective and time-saving.
For instance
, in the
Olympics
Add a comma
Olympics,
show examples
 if facilities are provided to those competitors, who are already trained to some extent, rather than coaching unskilled
people
 would save plenty of time, and energy and
above all
 would make it certain of winning the championships.
On the other hand
, focusing on a specific group of qualified
people
 would
cause preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 common
people
 from participating in daily workouts
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 talented individuals remain hidden. In order to motivate the ordinary population to participate in
sports
 and boost their competency and well-being, it is up to the government to make all the facilities available and accessible.
Additionally
, through
this
 service, the gifted
people
 can show themselves and glow which in the future will be an asset to the country. In conclusion, despite supporting skilful has some advantages, it
also
 has many negativities for the public. In my opinion, for a country to get to the top
as well as
 to facilitate the nation, it is crucial to consider both sides.
Submitted by zaky987.zaky on

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task response
The essay presents a balanced view, addressing both positive and negative aspects of the topic. However, more specific examples to support arguments would enhance the response.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next and that ideas within paragraphs are connected effectively. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
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