Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Some
people
insist that extreme plays should be prevented for people
's safety.
However
, I firmly disagree with this
idea because exciting sports
like rock climbing and sky diving can offer diverse experiences and make someone satisfied with their life.
First of all, outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
activities
provide various experiences for people
who enjoy thrills. Most people
are not aware of the feeling when they are in different spaces such
as the sea or the sky until they experience in
person. Lots of knowledge and emotions that have never gotten can be acquired by doing unique Correct pronoun usage
it in
activities
.
As for me, for instance
, one of my hobbies is scuba diving and my mom was against it while
worrying about my safety. Nevertheless
, I got to know about many sea creatures that I haven't
known of before I did scuba diving.
On top of that, extreme Wrong verb form
hadn't
sports
help some people
with much curiosity live vigorously.
Curious and active people
can get a
pleasure only when they experience new things. So, when they do trilling leisure Remove the article
apply
sports
, they feel happier.
A study indicated that extreme sports
allow people
who are interested in challenging activities
to live vividly because these activities
promote generating hormone
.
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
To sum up
, people
with curiosity can get valuable experiences and make their lives more diverse by doing exciting sports
.
For
this
reason, I disagree that extreme sports
should be banned for safety prevention.Submitted by dearhoney on
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introduction
A clear thesis statement could be added at the end of the introduction to immediately address the extent of agreement or disagreement.
conclusion
A conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position would strengthen the essay's effectiveness.
logical structure
The logical structure could be improved by adding clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis.
supported main points
Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a deeper insight into the arguments presented.
relevant specific examples
Though you've included examples, make sure to discuss them in more depth and provide specific evidence where possible.
complete response
Complete the task by fully answering all parts of the prompt. Consider discussing why some believe extreme sports should be banned and then refute these points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response, ensuring that you fully explain the reasons behind your views.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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