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Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #sports #rock
Some
people
 insist that extreme plays should be prevented for
people
's safety.
However
, I firmly disagree with
this
 idea because exciting
sports
 like rock climbing and sky diving can offer diverse experiences and make someone satisfied with their life. First of all,
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
activities
 provide various experiences for
people
 who enjoy thrills. Most
people
 are not aware of the feeling when they are in different spaces
such
 as the sea or the sky until they experience
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 person. Lots of knowledge and emotions that have never gotten can be acquired by doing unique
activities
. As for me,
for instance
, one of my hobbies is scuba diving and my mom was against it
while
 worrying about my safety.
Nevertheless
, I got to know about many sea creatures that I
haven't
Wrong verb form
hadn't
show examples
 known of before I did scuba diving. On top of that, extreme
sports
 help some
people
 with much curiosity live vigorously. Curious and active
people
 can get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pleasure only when they experience new things. So, when they do trilling leisure
sports
, they feel happier. A study indicated that extreme
sports
 allow
people
 who are interested in challenging
activities
 to live vividly because these
activities
 promote generating
hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
show examples
.
To sum up
,
people
 with curiosity can get valuable experiences and make their lives more diverse by doing exciting
sports
.
For
this
 reason, I disagree that extreme
sports
 should be banned for safety prevention.
Submitted by dearhoney on

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introduction
A clear thesis statement could be added at the end of the introduction to immediately address the extent of agreement or disagreement.
conclusion
A conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position would strengthen the essay's effectiveness.
logical structure
The logical structure could be improved by adding clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis.
supported main points
Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a deeper insight into the arguments presented.
relevant specific examples
Though you've included examples, make sure to discuss them in more depth and provide specific evidence where possible.
complete response
Complete the task by fully answering all parts of the prompt. Consider discussing why some believe extreme sports should be banned and then refute these points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response, ensuring that you fully explain the reasons behind your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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